With Gilligan.....
Gilligan was screw-up. Messed up everybody's chances to get off the island. So, while in a sort of similar vein, meaning screw-ups, here's the next one.
You find another box. Inside is a handy-dandy portable DVD player that hooks up to solar power on the CD player. Yay! And look, movies! Five of 'em! You've now got another form of entertainment on this boring isle! But wait! They're the five worst movies ever made! Oh, no! You know you're going to watch them, because, hey, what else is there to do? In our quest to stay sane on this beautiful, but otherwise boring island, we'll take what entertaining venues we can, but man, these movies want to make us chuck it all and jump from the highest cliff. What are these five, dreaded turkeys?
Mine would definitely include Weekend at Bernies. What a huge piece of dreck! Ugh. I actually got into the theater for free, and wanted my money back.
Obscure, yes, but definitely makes the list: Manos, Hand of Fate. Wow. Bad. Big bad. This little jewel was brought to my attention by Mystery Science Theater. Even they could not liven it up.
Battlefield Earth. ::shudder:: I know you're a Scientologist, John, but what the hell were you thinking??
Gigli. Enough said.
Yor, the Hunter from the Future. Very bad. Makes absolutely no sense. None. Futuristic race out to kill cavemen. Uh, what??
Your turn.
You find another box. Inside is a handy-dandy portable DVD player that hooks up to solar power on the CD player. Yay! And look, movies! Five of 'em! You've now got another form of entertainment on this boring isle! But wait! They're the five worst movies ever made! Oh, no! You know you're going to watch them, because, hey, what else is there to do? In our quest to stay sane on this beautiful, but otherwise boring island, we'll take what entertaining venues we can, but man, these movies want to make us chuck it all and jump from the highest cliff. What are these five, dreaded turkeys?
Mine would definitely include Weekend at Bernies. What a huge piece of dreck! Ugh. I actually got into the theater for free, and wanted my money back.
Obscure, yes, but definitely makes the list: Manos, Hand of Fate. Wow. Bad. Big bad. This little jewel was brought to my attention by Mystery Science Theater. Even they could not liven it up.
Battlefield Earth. ::shudder:: I know you're a Scientologist, John, but what the hell were you thinking??
Gigli. Enough said.
Yor, the Hunter from the Future. Very bad. Makes absolutely no sense. None. Futuristic race out to kill cavemen. Uh, what??
Your turn.
posted by Turtle at 10:21 AM
8 Comments:
The 10th Annual Webby Awards seeks UK Games entrants for the 2006...
PRESS RELEASE: The 10th Annual Webby Awards seeks UK Games entrants for the 2006 Oscars of the Internet Press release supplied by Games Press 13:42 23/09/2005 Proclaimed as 'the online equivalent of an Oscar' ...
This is a very tasteful and informative blog.
Why not come to our cad drafting site that contains interesting aspects on the subject of cad drafting ?
Thanks a lot, keep up the great blogging and have a great day!
Dammit! You beat me to Manos. Ah well, I'll have to dig deeper into the cinematic cesspool then.
There's Something About Mary. Ok, I know I'm the only one in the world who didn't like this movie, but I found it juvenile, and not in a good way, stupid, predictable, and totally without any redeeming characteristics whatsoever...oh, and not at all funny.
Independence Day. Yeah, again I'm in the minority, but this waste of celluloid left no science fiction cliche unturned, and threw any sort of continuity right out of the nearest airlock. The only vaguely redeeming bit was Judd Hirsch, but a diamond chip stuck in a turd doesn't reduce the smell at all.
Star Trek V: This Shatner-directed stink fest had me pining for the glory days of space hippies and V'Ger. It was as if the Keystone Cops had possesed the Enterprise, but without the witty comedy. Benny Hill would have made a better film, and he wouldn't have put anyone in those stupid Dick Tracey rocket boots. Oh, and Bill if you are reading this, it was funny when Capt. Kirk got lost on the new Enterprise and had to ask directions. It was just stupid to have Scotty do it.
Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace: Oh where do I begin the litany of suck that is TPM? Battle droids that talk like Power Rangers villains, a plot line more convoluted than a fan-boys wet dreams, and about as logical, JAR-JAR BINKS! With every passing minute the movie got worse and worse, culiminating in the most pointless waste of a potentially cool villain (Darth Maul) ever. By the end of the movie I expected to find out that 'Annie' had also built the Millenium Falcon, was Han Solo's distant cousin, and was suckled in the wilderness by Chewbacca's mother. Damn, it's been over a decade since Lucas' big F You to his fans came out, and it still pisses me off.
Starship Troopers: Robert Heinlein must have been doing about 200rpm when this fecal presentation was released. The book, about warfare in the distant future, was a Science Fiction classic. The movie, which bears little to no resemblence to the book, sucks. The title, basic situation(Earth at war with an insect race), and some of the character names are about all the two share. The movie was nothing more than a loosely plotted 90210 in space, with flashy special effects, and Doogie Howser dressed up like a Gestapo officer. It made me wish the brain-bug would get me just so I wouldn't have to remember seeing it.
There are so many more that I could name, but I think those are the five worst ones I actually watched all the way through. I didn't even try with The Wild Wild West, but I'm sure it deserves a dishonorable mention.
Ok, I know you limited me to five, but as I was driving home an emotional boil burst and I remembered a movie from our youth that was so bad I doubt anything made since could top it. (or would that be 'bottom it'?) The Sword and the Sorcerer. Willowy Conan wannabe fights lame usurper and creepy, heart-ripping demon with ludicrous triple-bladed sword. Oh the pain...the pain.
hold me.
The Cook, the Theif, His Wife and Her Lover: Okay, not a bad movie in and of itself...but very disturbing and one of the few I vowed never to watch again.
Dumb and Dumber: Frankly, I think the title says it all.
Ace Ventura Pet Detective: I guess I just don't do toilet humor.
Popeye (the Robin Williams live-action version): oh how the funny have fallen...
Cruel Intentions 2: as bad as most sequels are, this one really bit it big time.
If the phone rings.... dont go into the Phone Booth. Even the imaginitive ending isnt worth the time I lost on that one, even with Keifer and Forest.
Gladiator. Once I am past the first battle scene, I loose interest. I have tried to watch it 5 times and fallen asleep every time. Yeah, I even tried expresso. Seen the begining, seen the end... and even though I love historical pieces, I can not make it thorugh.
White Buffalo with Charles Bronson. I never got it. It's like a bad movie version of Moby Dick on ambien.
Desperately Seeking Susan. Really hokey, bad plot, stifled acting. My favorite guilty pleasure (Hey, just because its an aweful movie doesn't mean I don't l;ike it lafff)
Thorunn
I'm not even gonna' comment on these, just list 'em:
Battlefield Earth: a Saga of the Year 3000
Showgirls
Jaws: The Revenge
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!! (an oldie but a baddie...)
Girl in Gold Boots (another oldy moldy - I think this was the inspiration for Showgirls)
How about:
Zulu/Zulu Warrior - I know the guys love it, but it doesn't do anything for us chicks.
On the Beach - a most depressing movie set in Australia after dropping the bomb.
Lost In Space - The 60's TV show was better.
Pulp Fiction - Sorry, just didn't get it.
Truth is, if it doesn't have a happy ending (hero/heroine saves the day and lives), it just doesn't get played at my house.
I watch movies to escape from reality. And a happy ending does it for me.
KA
...Breaking News...
I don't know how this one eluded me, but Night Of The Lepus just came out on DVD. This was a '70's horror bomb that had huge,mutated bunny rabbits terrorizing the world. Unfortunately the 'effects' mostly consisted of normal pet store bunnies with ketchup on thier faces hopping around toy houses, and the occasional shot of someone wrestling a guy in a rabbit costume. Imagine a double feature of Manos and Lepus...on second thought don't imagine it. I had to roll a save vs. insanity just now and barely made it.
Post a Comment
<< Home