Ass Magnet...
Yeah... Ass hats and idiots. I seem to attract them. They find me, no matter where I am. How did I get so lucky?
We went out to dinner the other night, after the SCA meeting. The parking lot was quite full, so it was the "wait 'til someone pulls out" game. I found a good spot to sit and "shark" and wait... There was a guy who was in and out of his car, so there was no telling if he was coming or going. He'd been doing such while I was circling, so had been at it for about 5 minutes. He'd open the trunk, root around, go into the back seat, back to the trunk, etc. Still no clue if he was coming or going. A girl bebopped into the car next to him, so I figured on snagging her spot. I put on my blinker and waited patiently. A pickup truck pulled up in the other direction, and stopped, as though waiting on the same spot. No way, Jose! The spot opened and I made my move. The "guy next door" was still futzing about the car, so I had to be careful pulling in, but had to move quickly, as well. As I'm getting out, GND pulls a 4 year old boy out of the back seat and starts to walk down the sidewalk, and mutters something to the effect of "you could've effin' waited!" I got out of the van and asked him, "What did you say to me??" He muttered something else, and kept walking. "You'd better watch what you say to people, buddy! Smart ass comments aren't safe in this day and age; you never know what kind of lunatic you might be talking to!" I passed him, and he averted his eyes. An ass hat AND an idiot.
Then there is the plethora of youngsters at the bar. It is now "Summer B", when all the incoming freshmen are here. All first years coming out of high school have to attend. And they have fake IDs. Good ones. Really, really good ones. Apparently there's a guy out there making them, and ATF wants him badly. Supposedly, these things have fooled cops. what can I do as a bartender? They got what appears to be a valid ID, that says they are of age, though I'll be damned if these kids are more than a month or two over 18..... And, they have no knowledge of bar ettiquette, whatsoever. Had a group of 6 the other night. Each got their own little drink, one at a time. Couldn't order together.... They piled the tips up in a neat little stack. Each left a bright, shiny quarter. Wow.
Through a series of mishaps, I didn't get dinner Friday night, and was quite hungry bright and early Saturday morning, after driving to Sheeps house, and getting ready do drive down to D's house for the day. Being so hungry, and having a 2 hour drive ahead, we stopped at BK for breakfast. Sheeps was driving, and we pulled up to the drive thru and she ordered. "A number 3, with sausage..." "A number one with sausage?" What?? "No, a number 3, with sausage." "With bacon?" "NO. Sausage!" "What would you like to drink?" "Large Diet Coke." "Large coffee?" I'm really not sure how the rest of the order went, as I was too busy laughing my ass off. They did manage to get the food right, though they may have spit in it.....
On Sunday, we had a guy in a Corvette pull in front of us. I mean right in front of us. I mean "cut us off and make us hit the brakes to avoid running him over" in front of us. Ummmm...., 'scuse me, Mister Tiny Penis? You're in a plastic car, dude. I'm in a SUV. Who do you think is gonna win? Sheesh.
So... for the rest of you reading this? The ones who never run into these royal ape asses? You can thank me, for I think I have gotten your share......
We went out to dinner the other night, after the SCA meeting. The parking lot was quite full, so it was the "wait 'til someone pulls out" game. I found a good spot to sit and "shark" and wait... There was a guy who was in and out of his car, so there was no telling if he was coming or going. He'd been doing such while I was circling, so had been at it for about 5 minutes. He'd open the trunk, root around, go into the back seat, back to the trunk, etc. Still no clue if he was coming or going. A girl bebopped into the car next to him, so I figured on snagging her spot. I put on my blinker and waited patiently. A pickup truck pulled up in the other direction, and stopped, as though waiting on the same spot. No way, Jose! The spot opened and I made my move. The "guy next door" was still futzing about the car, so I had to be careful pulling in, but had to move quickly, as well. As I'm getting out, GND pulls a 4 year old boy out of the back seat and starts to walk down the sidewalk, and mutters something to the effect of "you could've effin' waited!" I got out of the van and asked him, "What did you say to me??" He muttered something else, and kept walking. "You'd better watch what you say to people, buddy! Smart ass comments aren't safe in this day and age; you never know what kind of lunatic you might be talking to!" I passed him, and he averted his eyes. An ass hat AND an idiot.
Then there is the plethora of youngsters at the bar. It is now "Summer B", when all the incoming freshmen are here. All first years coming out of high school have to attend. And they have fake IDs. Good ones. Really, really good ones. Apparently there's a guy out there making them, and ATF wants him badly. Supposedly, these things have fooled cops. what can I do as a bartender? They got what appears to be a valid ID, that says they are of age, though I'll be damned if these kids are more than a month or two over 18..... And, they have no knowledge of bar ettiquette, whatsoever. Had a group of 6 the other night. Each got their own little drink, one at a time. Couldn't order together.... They piled the tips up in a neat little stack. Each left a bright, shiny quarter. Wow.
Through a series of mishaps, I didn't get dinner Friday night, and was quite hungry bright and early Saturday morning, after driving to Sheeps house, and getting ready do drive down to D's house for the day. Being so hungry, and having a 2 hour drive ahead, we stopped at BK for breakfast. Sheeps was driving, and we pulled up to the drive thru and she ordered. "A number 3, with sausage..." "A number one with sausage?" What?? "No, a number 3, with sausage." "With bacon?" "NO. Sausage!" "What would you like to drink?" "Large Diet Coke." "Large coffee?" I'm really not sure how the rest of the order went, as I was too busy laughing my ass off. They did manage to get the food right, though they may have spit in it.....
On Sunday, we had a guy in a Corvette pull in front of us. I mean right in front of us. I mean "cut us off and make us hit the brakes to avoid running him over" in front of us. Ummmm...., 'scuse me, Mister Tiny Penis? You're in a plastic car, dude. I'm in a SUV. Who do you think is gonna win? Sheesh.
So... for the rest of you reading this? The ones who never run into these royal ape asses? You can thank me, for I think I have gotten your share......
posted by Turtle at 6:33 PM
1 Comments:
Well I, for one, thank you for being the navigational deflector for us. You do seem to get way more than your fair share of the ass-clowns.
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