So Glamorous!
Recently I mentioned the “glamour” of the bartender.
It is amazing how the media has glamorized the image of the bartender. Regardless of the fact that people go to bars and can see the ”less than shiny” side for themselves, they choose to believe the television and movie industry over their own eyes. They see what they want to see. They see a guy that gets to stand around and socialize with all manners of friends, cool crowds, and rub elbows with celebrities. He is a man that gets to ogle and speak with beautiful women all the time. It’s a job that isn’t at all hard or demanding, and all he needs to do is stand around and collect the big bucks.
Please allow me to burst the bubble - bartending is not glamorous. It is a job, and not such a fun one as some may think.
First and foremost, there is the fact that the bartender’s general clientele is inebriated, or involved in the effort of attaining said state. In other words, we deal with a lot of drunks. A LOT of drunks. They can be rude, obnoxious and downright insulting. On the other hand, they can be loving – generally too much so. They want to hug and tell you that you’re their best friend ever and that they love you. And they want you to return the favor. “I love you too… uh… pal.” And how many vomiting clients do you have to deal with every week? Unless you’re in the medical profession, not a bunch, I’m guessing. And the fighting. Alcohol always brings out the best in people… And the whole time, 20 different people are screaming your name, trying to get your attention.
That’s another thing… Your name. Hundreds of people know you. They all know your name, and you’re expected to remember all of theirs. In a college bar, wherein the customers rotate in and out, this is next to impossible. You try, and there are tricks you can use (starting a tab is always nice, as you’ve got their name on a credit card), but in truth, there are a whole lot of folks out there named Pal, Buddy, Partner, Boss and Sweetie, Darlin’, Beautiful and Dear.
Socializing? If you have time to socialize, you are not making money. If you’re making money (serving drinks), you don’t have time to socialize. Celebrities? I have served Ric Flair, and, theoretically, was serving Ryan Lochte last night, though I couldn’t point him out in a crowd. (And didn’t…) They rest are pseudo-celebs and wannabes. “I fight in the UFC!” No you don’t. Don’t know why that one is so popular lately…
The beautiful girls? They come in all forms. There are the sloppy drunks, and trust me, that is not at all attractive… There are the ones that are so “hawt” that they shouldn’t have to pay for anything, and look at you in horror when you tell them you money for that round of shots. There are the flirts. The girls who will wink and call you “Lover” and expect to get everything for free. And, a lot of the time, with some of the less than Einsteinian bartenders, they will. And some are really sweet, and yes, they are nice to talk to, on that rare occasion when you are not making any money. Some are not nearly has beautiful as they seem to think they are. The expression “My gawd, do you own a mirror?” is muttered almost every night. Just ‘cause it looks good on that size 2 model, doesn’t mean it’s going to look good on your size 16 body. Just sayin’. But you get to take so many of them home don’t you? Sure…. Even if I had the desire to, and free relationship status to do so, they leave the bar at 2, generally in some state of inebriation. I leave at 3:30, after sweating certain parts of anatomy off for 6-12 hours, smell like stale cigarettes and beer, and am completely sober. Don’t get the math? Try this then: go get really hammered, really late at night, then sit around for 2 hours alone, waiting on a friend to show up.
The job itself isn’t terribly demanding, but it can be hard. You sometimes work very long hours. You are constantly moving and hustling when it is busy. Try staying in constant motion in a 3’ x 40’ space for 6 hours. We’ll talk how easy it was afterwards. Oh, yeah, that keg needs to changed, while you’re at it…
The hours suck. Yes, the hours vary, but the best shifts are the ones when all your friends are out and having fun. Say goodbye to weekends.
And finally, the big bucks. The Moolah! Cha-ching! When it is busy, and you do your job well, and they economy isn’t completely tanked, you can take home quite a bit of paper. You’re going to have to work hard for it, but it is possible. But there is no guarantee. Some days it will be busy, and others, completely dead. You can never tell, and there is no rhyme or reason to it. And there is no sick or vacation time; no PTO. If you are not there, you don’t make money.
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to mention the “legalities”. You have to be doubly careful you don’t serve minors. Fake ID’s are very good these days, but the cops won’t care if that’s how they got in the door or not… And that guy that you cut off after his 4th drink, but was still getting drinks from his buddies? The one that sloshed behind the wheel and took out the school bus full of nuns holding orphans? Well, even if the “man” doesn’t decide to go after the bartender responsible, the nuns sure can, as well as the drunk that plowed ‘em.
Sounds like a blast, eh?
It is amazing how the media has glamorized the image of the bartender. Regardless of the fact that people go to bars and can see the ”less than shiny” side for themselves, they choose to believe the television and movie industry over their own eyes. They see what they want to see. They see a guy that gets to stand around and socialize with all manners of friends, cool crowds, and rub elbows with celebrities. He is a man that gets to ogle and speak with beautiful women all the time. It’s a job that isn’t at all hard or demanding, and all he needs to do is stand around and collect the big bucks.
Please allow me to burst the bubble - bartending is not glamorous. It is a job, and not such a fun one as some may think.
First and foremost, there is the fact that the bartender’s general clientele is inebriated, or involved in the effort of attaining said state. In other words, we deal with a lot of drunks. A LOT of drunks. They can be rude, obnoxious and downright insulting. On the other hand, they can be loving – generally too much so. They want to hug and tell you that you’re their best friend ever and that they love you. And they want you to return the favor. “I love you too… uh… pal.” And how many vomiting clients do you have to deal with every week? Unless you’re in the medical profession, not a bunch, I’m guessing. And the fighting. Alcohol always brings out the best in people… And the whole time, 20 different people are screaming your name, trying to get your attention.
That’s another thing… Your name. Hundreds of people know you. They all know your name, and you’re expected to remember all of theirs. In a college bar, wherein the customers rotate in and out, this is next to impossible. You try, and there are tricks you can use (starting a tab is always nice, as you’ve got their name on a credit card), but in truth, there are a whole lot of folks out there named Pal, Buddy, Partner, Boss and Sweetie, Darlin’, Beautiful and Dear.
Socializing? If you have time to socialize, you are not making money. If you’re making money (serving drinks), you don’t have time to socialize. Celebrities? I have served Ric Flair, and, theoretically, was serving Ryan Lochte last night, though I couldn’t point him out in a crowd. (And didn’t…) They rest are pseudo-celebs and wannabes. “I fight in the UFC!” No you don’t. Don’t know why that one is so popular lately…
The beautiful girls? They come in all forms. There are the sloppy drunks, and trust me, that is not at all attractive… There are the ones that are so “hawt” that they shouldn’t have to pay for anything, and look at you in horror when you tell them you money for that round of shots. There are the flirts. The girls who will wink and call you “Lover” and expect to get everything for free. And, a lot of the time, with some of the less than Einsteinian bartenders, they will. And some are really sweet, and yes, they are nice to talk to, on that rare occasion when you are not making any money. Some are not nearly has beautiful as they seem to think they are. The expression “My gawd, do you own a mirror?” is muttered almost every night. Just ‘cause it looks good on that size 2 model, doesn’t mean it’s going to look good on your size 16 body. Just sayin’. But you get to take so many of them home don’t you? Sure…. Even if I had the desire to, and free relationship status to do so, they leave the bar at 2, generally in some state of inebriation. I leave at 3:30, after sweating certain parts of anatomy off for 6-12 hours, smell like stale cigarettes and beer, and am completely sober. Don’t get the math? Try this then: go get really hammered, really late at night, then sit around for 2 hours alone, waiting on a friend to show up.
The job itself isn’t terribly demanding, but it can be hard. You sometimes work very long hours. You are constantly moving and hustling when it is busy. Try staying in constant motion in a 3’ x 40’ space for 6 hours. We’ll talk how easy it was afterwards. Oh, yeah, that keg needs to changed, while you’re at it…
The hours suck. Yes, the hours vary, but the best shifts are the ones when all your friends are out and having fun. Say goodbye to weekends.
And finally, the big bucks. The Moolah! Cha-ching! When it is busy, and you do your job well, and they economy isn’t completely tanked, you can take home quite a bit of paper. You’re going to have to work hard for it, but it is possible. But there is no guarantee. Some days it will be busy, and others, completely dead. You can never tell, and there is no rhyme or reason to it. And there is no sick or vacation time; no PTO. If you are not there, you don’t make money.
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to mention the “legalities”. You have to be doubly careful you don’t serve minors. Fake ID’s are very good these days, but the cops won’t care if that’s how they got in the door or not… And that guy that you cut off after his 4th drink, but was still getting drinks from his buddies? The one that sloshed behind the wheel and took out the school bus full of nuns holding orphans? Well, even if the “man” doesn’t decide to go after the bartender responsible, the nuns sure can, as well as the drunk that plowed ‘em.
Sounds like a blast, eh?
posted by Turtle at 2:50 PM
3 Comments:
And you are still bar-tending why?
That is a very good question. The answer is a bit complicated, and multi-faceted.
While part of me is really fed up with all of it, another part of me still enjoys "the show".
I promised the manager I would stay through at least football season.
The money *can* be good, sometimes...
The extra income is helpful, especially while we are still carrying two mortgages.
It has been a part of my life for a very, very long time, and it will be hard to say goodbye to.
Sorta like when you have a sore tooth, and even though it hurts like hell you miss it when it's gone?
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