UPD send man to ER

Man had a blue toy lightsaber.

That's a headline in today's paper. Okay, granted, it is the Independent Florida Alligator, the student run newspaper for UF. Even still, what mental image is provoked by this headline? (For those not in the know, UPD is the University Police Department.)

If you're like me, the first thought that they found a man bearing a "blue toy lightsaber" and shot him, beat the crap out of him, or tazed him (yes, THAT UPD).

In reality, they quite literally sent him to the hospital. They Baker-acted him.

UPD responded to a report of a suspicious person and found a 22 year old man sitting on a bench on campus, with one of the extending tube type lightsabers beside him. When questioned, the man did not answer, but extended the lightsaber "in a non-threatening manner". They then took the man to a local hospital for evaluation.

While they did sum up the story in the headline, they could have been a little less misleading. The police take a lot of hits trying to do their jobs, and don't need any help in the mispercption department. Especially this police department, with the "don't taze me Bro" incident a year ago. (In all fairness, Andrew Meyer is a "Jackass" wannabe, and deserved what he got.)

My question, though, is why the reporter felt the need to point out that it was a "toy" lightsaber. Every mention of the lightsaber in the article points out that it was a toy. Well, shuh! Of course it was a toy! Unless I VanWinkled for a while, or this kid was a mad genius, real lightsabers don't exist. It would be cool if they did, but they don't. Talk about weapon control! What kind of limitations would they put on those??

The bigger question is why did they feel it important to point out that it was blue? 'Cause if it was a RED toy lightsaber he would be sith, and they would have had to take him out??

I suppose in the long run that we'll just have to chalk it up to a slow newsweek. They can only report so much on the success of the football team and how Timmy Tebow is getting robbed by only being the number 4 pick for the Heisman this year (so far). Go Gators!

Burning down the house...

No, not my house.

There has been a video making its way around the internet circuit lately. It is a video from the UK about grease fires, and how dangerous they can be, which is entirely true. It shows how explosive water can be on this type of fire. The water, being heavier, sinks to the bottom of the oil and vaporizes instantly into steam, causing the flaming oil to shoot upward at a high velocity. This is also entirely true. The video then shows that you can put out the fire by wetting a dishrag and draping it over the pan. This is partially true, but NOT recommended!

Think about it. Water + burning oil = boom! So, if you wouldn’t use water, why would you use a water soaked towel? Yes, it *might* smother your fire. It could also cause said explosion. (See above equation…) Are you willing to bet your kitchen, or, more to the point, your skin suit on a *might*? Water should only be used on a Class A (alpha) fire.

Quick firefighting lesson: There are 5 basic classes of fire: Alpha (A), Bravo (B), Charlie (C), Delta (D) and Kilo (K). Alpha fires are solid flammable materials, such as wood or paper. Your basic campfire is a Class A fire. Bravo fires are from gasses or liquids. A oil rig fire would be a B class. Charlie class fires are electrical. Generally, electrical fires tend to cause class alpha fires… Water is very bad on this type of fire too, as it is very conductive. De-energize the problem, and it becomes a class alpha… Delta fires are special, and should be left alone. Essentially, these are “flammable metals”, like magnesium. They are next to impossible to put out, but they are also very rare. That brings us to class K fires. These are a subset of Class B fires, and are composed of cooking oil fires. Why did they make it a separate class? I have no idea, but I suppose that it is the most common, so they wanted to make a distinction.

The simplest, easiest solution to a grease fire is to have a metal lid on hand. Simply cover the pan and the fire will burn out almost immediately. You are removing one of the elements a fire needs to exist – oxygen. If you don’t have a metal lid for a particular pan, a flat, metal baking sheet will suffice. Do not use a glass lid, as the heat will shatter it. Just turn off the heat, put the lid (or the sheet pan) on the pan and step back. Don’t check it to make sure the fire went out. Let it sit for 15 minutes or so, to avoid flashback.

Do not try to carry the burning pan outside. You will be nervous, unsteady and in a hurry. This will lead to sloshing and splashing. People would technically be considered a class A fire, so we would have what firefighters like to refer to as a “Screaming Alpha”. Bad idea. Leave the pan on the stove. Just cover it.

Again, never throw water on a grease fire, as it will implode, and you will get a fireball that consumes everything in the kitchen, including you. And we're back to the Screaming Alpha…

It is also a very good idea to keep a small fire extinguisher available. They’re relatively inexpensive and can be invaluable in an emergency. You can buy a “general purpose” type, or even one specifically intended for Class K fires.

The biggest step is prevention. Don’t leave heated oil unattended. If there is something more important on your agenda, then fry later. Why leave such a potential hazard to chance? You’ll be there to avoid any of the accidents that tend to cause grease fires, and can react instantly if one does happen to occur.

And on a related note, especially considering the upcoming holiday, be extra careful when deep frying turkeys.

Make sure the unit is on steady, flat ground. Many of these systems tip over easily. But choose your flat location wisely. Always use outdoors, in an open, uncovered area. Not in a house, in a carport, under a porch… Duh.

Do not overfill with oil. You need to account for the mass of the turkey. This is the old “ten pounds of %&$ in a 5 pound sack” rule. The oil could spill over and potentially hit the flames. This becomes what we like to call an “explosion”. You might be better served to cook a couple of small turkeys instead of one large one.

Thaw the turkey completely. As has been established, water + heated oil = bad. Watch your marinades, as well…

Insert the turkey into the oil slowly. Don’t drop it in. Hot splashing oil is bad! Especially when open flames are present. Same goes for taking it out. Slow and steady…

If you have to move the unit, use oven mitts. The handles on those big pots can get very hot. And be careful afterwards, as the oil will stay hot for hours. And this should go without saying, but keep children and pets away from the hot, boiling, flaming things…

Finally, as with any “boiling oil project”, never leave the fryer unit unattended. Bad things, man, bad things.

Safe cooking!