Lessons in stupidity...

Ah.... the joys of dealing with.... people. They'll surprise you. Just when you have hope for humanity, entertaining quixotic notions of prospect, along comes someone to shake you out of that tree of optimism and plant your posterior on the firm ground of fatuity.

Example #1 (words in parenthesis are my thoughts, not actually voiced aloud):

A young lady walks into the coffee shop at 12:05am, five minutes after closing.
"I'm sorry, we're closed now."
"You're closed?"
("No, I thought I'd just put all the chairs on the table tops for fun.") "Yes."
"Aren't you open 24 hours?"
("Now, why the hell would we be closed if we were open 24 hours??") "No."
"You used to be open 24 hours."
(No, you stupid bimbo, we weren't.") "No, we've always closed at midnight."
"Before you started working here, they were open 24 hours."
("I've been here since day one, you imbecile, and we've never been open 24 hours, not once, and it still isn't going to change the fact that we are now CLOSED!") "No, we've always closed at midnight."
"So, you're closed?"
("Argh!" Pummel, punch, kick, stangle, strangle, strangle....) Yes, we're closed.

Example #2:
A young lady walks into the bar (no, this isn't the start of a joke) and asks what the specials are. After working there nearly ten years, I've got the spiel down and rattled them off. Yada, yada, yada.
"You have $2 wells?"
"Yes. All night."
"Great. Give me a well and coke."

Example #3:
A rather snooty couple walks into the coffee shop, glances around, turns their collective noses up and asks: "Where is the nearest Starbucks?"
(Blink. Blink.) "I'm sorry, what??"
Heavy sigh. "Well, we might as well just get something here."
I was torn between asking them to leave, or to charge them double, but decided to let it go and amaze them with our kindness, and our great joe. They got their drinks, and sat down, making haughty faces at all the college kids in studying, the ones who make up the bulk of our evening revenue. It was at this time that I had a free moment to go change the batteries in the drive through buzzer, which was only working intermittently. The new batteries did the trick, and then some. When I came back inside, Josh informed me that they were bothered by the continuous buzzing (had to screw the lid back on, which put my hand in front of the sensor...), and got up and left in a hurry.

Example #4: Fed Ex lost one box from my weekly shipment. You know, stuff I need to operate the business. I called my supplier and had them overnight, at great expense, a box of the syrups I'd need, especially since I was currently out. One of my employees, who is not the brightest bulb in the box, decided that Fed Ex wasn't supposed to be delivering anything, and since the box had no invoice on the outside anyway, refused to sign for it, sending it back. I had to get in touch with our supplier, who got in touch with Fed Ex, who got in touch with the driver, and had him redeliver. Disaster averted, at the cost of a couple of hours of frantic scambling. I was too mad speak with the employee, knowing that in my ire, I would most likely fire her for being an idiot. She, however, took the initiative to inform me that if I was to have packages delivered to that store, that I needed to inform her. Uhhh......NO! I don't!!!! Luckily, she chose to put in her 2 weeks notice, rather than being ridden out the door on the toe of my boot....

Example #5:
As Baron of the local SCA group, I am the recipient of many wonderful little gifts, not to mention the butt of a lot of practical jokes. Often, the two are combined. The former Baron recieved gnomes. Yard gnomes. They'd show up in the cabin, on the feast table, in the thrones, etc. Someone decided that little stuffed clowns would be my gimmick. I believe that I've mentioned it in the past, but these are my kryptonite. Dolls that move creep me out, especially clowns, so I'm not real keen on the stuffed variety, animated with evil souls, or not. This one is a little clown jester with a very evil grin on it's face. It showed up in my throne about a year ago, and I managed to pawn it off on someone. At an event this past weekend, it showed back up in the middle of the day, on my bed in the cabin. Shivvers, goosebumps, the whole nine yards. This is, for me, the equivalent of locking a claustrophobic in a broom closet, for kicks. Not very nice.

If you'll notice in my tag at the top of this page, it ends with "the dude abides". This, for those not in the know, is stolen from "The Big Lebowski". (If you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it.) His world spins out of control because of events that he had nothing to do with, but gets drawn into anyway, he stumbles his way through, and things work out, albeit with a little tragedy involved, and he moves on. This is the story of my life. Well, with the exception of the drugs, the bowling, and the rampant unemployment. Otherwise, I am the Dude. I move on. The Dude abides.

Working for the Weekend

Ah, what a great weekend it was.

As most of you are probably aware, my main hobby is the SCA. It has had a great impact on my life and is a great deal responsible for making me the person I am today (for whatever that's worth...).

This past weekend was Martinmas Moot, the Coronation of our new King and Queen, and also the occasion of the Crown List, to determine our next King and Queen. A bit unusual in that the were both held the same weekend, but we're trying to get the schedule normalized, so things should be on a more regular keel after this.

My Jeep is in the shop, so I relied upon my squire for a ride to the event. Krista had gone down early, as she was merchanting, and Tanis and I both had to work, so we left a little later. The only problem is that Tanis' main mode of transportation is his motorcycle. I had no problem riding pinion, but really wanted to get him a sign for the back of his jacket that read "If you can read this, then my knight fell off..." Well, apparently, my ride was a subject of great amusement at the event. There was even a small contingent waiting at the gate to watch us ride in. What's so funny? Okay, so it was a little amusing... But I had a great ride, and enjoyed it. So there.

Friday evening was spent setting up camp, attending the last court of Baldar and Asa, and then back to camp for a bit of a relaxing evening with friends. It seems that our camp is the place to be, anymore, so that's where people head to party and hang out. We don't mind extending the hospitality, but it's still strange to think that we are "it".

Remember the tale, many posts ago, of the drunken girlfriend (someone else's) that I ended up putting to bed in my tent, and she ended up nearly pulling a Jim Morrison, and expunged her stomach all over my stuff? Well, she showed up (though, luckily, was staying in another area). She spent most of her evening flirting with anything that was male and had a pulse. A couple poor schmoes bit into the routine, and were like puppy dogs following her around. It really was quite amusing. And the best part was that near the end of the evening, she went away! Yay! My new air mattress was safe from the ravages of the technocolor yawn.

By the time all the 'guests' left, it was approaching dawn, so I hit the tent for an hour's nap, before the day's activities began.

Baldar and Asa began the day by meeting with dreadful accidents, and luckily enough for us, Gaston and Judith were there to take over. A short court ensued, the bulk of which was the various orders swearing fealty. Everyone received a nice little token, which was a hinged ball on a ribbon, and inside was various mottos, in Latin. Kind of like a medieval fortune cookie! When the landed Barons were called forth, His Majesty mentioned that, being landed, we deserved more than a simple token, but would have to wait until the evening court, as the items hadn't made it down to the area yet. This gave me a bit of pause for the rest of the day...

Then it was off to watch Crown Lyste. It was a good day of fighting, and Earl Gregory and Countess Maisie were the victors, and were made Prince and Princess. Duke Odo came in close second. It was long, but enjoyable.

I then had a bit of time on my hands, and strongly considered taking a nap, but such was not to be. To much activity going on. The Crown's chatelaine was apparently searching for me, but found Tanis, and gave him a couple of feast tokens to give to me. The King wanted his Baronial coronets to sit at high table. I was actually looking forward to having stew, in camp, with the guys, but was stuck. My Baroness was leaving early, so I had to find a "date". Viscountess Elitha is an old friend, and had once invited me to sit with her at high table (back when I was "attached" - the rumors flew fast and furious - Get a life, people! We ate dinner!). I'd found out she was eating alone, so I returned the favor and asked her to sit with me. Now that she is attached, and I am not, we thought it'd be great fun, and both await to hear what rumors crop up next.

But I digress... First was the evening court. The landed Barons got called up to recieve their tokens, which turned out to be large, concrete Triskele paving stones. They're kind of cool, actually. It turns out that each of the Barons had came up with the same idea, individually, on the way back from standing in front of the thrones... We all wanted to make molds of the triskeles, and pour a bunch more, and make a happy little Trimarian walkway/patio/whatever. Great minds.....

After feast, I had to rush off to the knights' meeting, an event I'd been anticipating all day. Having slept so little, and not gotten a nap, I almost nodded off, several times, during the meeting, but managed to make it through to the end, when an order of business came up that I was extremely interested in. That item came up, a vote was called, and the knights and Crown all ajourned, and headed, en masse for my encampment, which was, as previously mentioned, the place to be, so was quite crowded. We entered the camp, and a court was opened. The knights went forth and found my squire, Shea, and brought him before Their Majesties. It was announced that the knights discovered their number to be one too few, and asked Shea to join them. The crowd went nuts. It was definitely a popular decistion. He will stand his vigil at Gulf Wars, and there take on the trappings of the knight.

This is what one lives for. These little moments... These times when our "children" grow up and make good. It was very emotional. It was the moment when years worth of work finally pay off, and the end result is all that you'd hoped it would be.

I found myself a mug, and raised a glass with my soon to be ex-squire. The mood in the camp was certainly celebrational, and the camp was filled with friends, but I was too tired to enjoy it. I had a couple of beers, mingled with the crowd, but couldn't really make the most of it, as I was too wasted (from lack of sleep, not beer...). When I almost fell asleep standing up, I decided it was definitely time to hit the sack. I am usually a light sleeper, and can't rest when so much activity is going on, but had no problem this night. I was out in seconds...

The next morning involved getting up, getting packed, and heading home. No, I didn't home on the motorcycle - I got to ride in the comfort of Krista's Cherokee, which is a good thing, as I slept most of the way home.

I managed to have a relaxing, enjoyable weekend, spend time with friends, help my squire achieve elevation, and got to see some people that I really wanted to see, even though I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with them. An all around good time.

All in all, a definite check mark in the excellent column.

Update

Having been chastised for not posting in a while, I humbly come before you to give you an update on the life of the Turtle.............

Okay, so not much as been happening at all. Well, obviously things have been happening, as time does not stand still for me, but I can't think of anything in particular that stands out....

Let's see.... Mom update: After living in Florida for 59 years and suffering through 3 major hurricanes in one year, Mother has decided that she has had enough, and is moving to North Carolina. My brother, Tom, lives in a small town up in the NW corner, and she will be moving to be near him. The threat of hurricanes is much slimmer up there, and the cost of living is much lower, so her meager retirement income will go much farther. Have to say I am none too pleased about this decision, as it puts her at a greater distance away, but I have to respect her choice. The rest of the 'clan' essentially feels the same way, except for Diane, our delicate little flower, who is hysterical over the fact. Oh, well, that's Diane. The rest of us sit back in our repressed, stoic little world and accept it. She'll be near Tom, so she won't be alone, and it means a much longer drive to visit, but that's life.

Health update: My knee is still a little sore, and twinges occassionally, but is basically all right. Of course, since I've been favoring my left leg, my right ankle is now complaining loudly. I can't win. The rigors of getting old...

Work: Still doing far too much of it. Last weekend was the UF/Vandy game, and was a close call. The Gators finally pulled in out in double overtime, and the bar went absolutely bonkers. I don't know how much longer I shall continue to work there, as I'm getting pretty tired of it, and pretty tired, in general, but the money is nice. Very nice. Hard to give that up. And the rumor around the bar is that the owners are trying to sell to Keith, the bar manager. I like Keith. A lot of people say he is a schmuck, but he's always been good to me, gives me the best shifts, helps me out whenever I need it, respects me, and, most importantly, I respect him. That part is somewhat of an incentive to stay. I want to be able to help him out. Oh, well, time will tell. One thing I absolutely abhor, of late, is the tendancy for patrons to order a "coke and rum". Apparently there is a rap song, or several, that mention such. It's a "rum and coke", folks. You don't sound cool, hip, bad, phat, or any other euphemism, other than "stupid".

Romance: Not much in the way of that. I'm still a little gunshy, I suppose. There are a few "possibilities" on the horizon. A few interests shown. I'll just take things as they come, and see what life brings. I am in no real hurry.

Well, I needs must head off to work, and then straight on to an event for the weekend, so have to get showered and dressed. I'll come up with something witty, thought-provoking, and humorous later. Or just post some silly question, when one comes to mind....