Lessons in stupidity...
Ah.... the joys of dealing with.... people. They'll surprise you. Just when you have hope for humanity, entertaining quixotic notions of prospect, along comes someone to shake you out of that tree of optimism and plant your posterior on the firm ground of fatuity.
Example #1 (words in parenthesis are my thoughts, not actually voiced aloud):
A young lady walks into the coffee shop at 12:05am, five minutes after closing.
"I'm sorry, we're closed now."
"You're closed?"
("No, I thought I'd just put all the chairs on the table tops for fun.") "Yes."
"Aren't you open 24 hours?"
("Now, why the hell would we be closed if we were open 24 hours??") "No."
"You used to be open 24 hours."
(No, you stupid bimbo, we weren't.") "No, we've always closed at midnight."
"Before you started working here, they were open 24 hours."
("I've been here since day one, you imbecile, and we've never been open 24 hours, not once, and it still isn't going to change the fact that we are now CLOSED!") "No, we've always closed at midnight."
"So, you're closed?"
("Argh!" Pummel, punch, kick, stangle, strangle, strangle....) Yes, we're closed.
Example #2:
A young lady walks into the bar (no, this isn't the start of a joke) and asks what the specials are. After working there nearly ten years, I've got the spiel down and rattled them off. Yada, yada, yada.
"You have $2 wells?"
"Yes. All night."
"Great. Give me a well and coke."
Example #3:
A rather snooty couple walks into the coffee shop, glances around, turns their collective noses up and asks: "Where is the nearest Starbucks?"
(Blink. Blink.) "I'm sorry, what??"
Heavy sigh. "Well, we might as well just get something here."
I was torn between asking them to leave, or to charge them double, but decided to let it go and amaze them with our kindness, and our great joe. They got their drinks, and sat down, making haughty faces at all the college kids in studying, the ones who make up the bulk of our evening revenue. It was at this time that I had a free moment to go change the batteries in the drive through buzzer, which was only working intermittently. The new batteries did the trick, and then some. When I came back inside, Josh informed me that they were bothered by the continuous buzzing (had to screw the lid back on, which put my hand in front of the sensor...), and got up and left in a hurry.
Example #4: Fed Ex lost one box from my weekly shipment. You know, stuff I need to operate the business. I called my supplier and had them overnight, at great expense, a box of the syrups I'd need, especially since I was currently out. One of my employees, who is not the brightest bulb in the box, decided that Fed Ex wasn't supposed to be delivering anything, and since the box had no invoice on the outside anyway, refused to sign for it, sending it back. I had to get in touch with our supplier, who got in touch with Fed Ex, who got in touch with the driver, and had him redeliver. Disaster averted, at the cost of a couple of hours of frantic scambling. I was too mad speak with the employee, knowing that in my ire, I would most likely fire her for being an idiot. She, however, took the initiative to inform me that if I was to have packages delivered to that store, that I needed to inform her. Uhhh......NO! I don't!!!! Luckily, she chose to put in her 2 weeks notice, rather than being ridden out the door on the toe of my boot....
Example #5:
As Baron of the local SCA group, I am the recipient of many wonderful little gifts, not to mention the butt of a lot of practical jokes. Often, the two are combined. The former Baron recieved gnomes. Yard gnomes. They'd show up in the cabin, on the feast table, in the thrones, etc. Someone decided that little stuffed clowns would be my gimmick. I believe that I've mentioned it in the past, but these are my kryptonite. Dolls that move creep me out, especially clowns, so I'm not real keen on the stuffed variety, animated with evil souls, or not. This one is a little clown jester with a very evil grin on it's face. It showed up in my throne about a year ago, and I managed to pawn it off on someone. At an event this past weekend, it showed back up in the middle of the day, on my bed in the cabin. Shivvers, goosebumps, the whole nine yards. This is, for me, the equivalent of locking a claustrophobic in a broom closet, for kicks. Not very nice.
If you'll notice in my tag at the top of this page, it ends with "the dude abides". This, for those not in the know, is stolen from "The Big Lebowski". (If you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it.) His world spins out of control because of events that he had nothing to do with, but gets drawn into anyway, he stumbles his way through, and things work out, albeit with a little tragedy involved, and he moves on. This is the story of my life. Well, with the exception of the drugs, the bowling, and the rampant unemployment. Otherwise, I am the Dude. I move on. The Dude abides.
Example #1 (words in parenthesis are my thoughts, not actually voiced aloud):
A young lady walks into the coffee shop at 12:05am, five minutes after closing.
"I'm sorry, we're closed now."
"You're closed?"
("No, I thought I'd just put all the chairs on the table tops for fun.") "Yes."
"Aren't you open 24 hours?"
("Now, why the hell would we be closed if we were open 24 hours??") "No."
"You used to be open 24 hours."
(No, you stupid bimbo, we weren't.") "No, we've always closed at midnight."
"Before you started working here, they were open 24 hours."
("I've been here since day one, you imbecile, and we've never been open 24 hours, not once, and it still isn't going to change the fact that we are now CLOSED!") "No, we've always closed at midnight."
"So, you're closed?"
("Argh!" Pummel, punch, kick, stangle, strangle, strangle....) Yes, we're closed.
Example #2:
A young lady walks into the bar (no, this isn't the start of a joke) and asks what the specials are. After working there nearly ten years, I've got the spiel down and rattled them off. Yada, yada, yada.
"You have $2 wells?"
"Yes. All night."
"Great. Give me a well and coke."
Example #3:
A rather snooty couple walks into the coffee shop, glances around, turns their collective noses up and asks: "Where is the nearest Starbucks?"
(Blink. Blink.) "I'm sorry, what??"
Heavy sigh. "Well, we might as well just get something here."
I was torn between asking them to leave, or to charge them double, but decided to let it go and amaze them with our kindness, and our great joe. They got their drinks, and sat down, making haughty faces at all the college kids in studying, the ones who make up the bulk of our evening revenue. It was at this time that I had a free moment to go change the batteries in the drive through buzzer, which was only working intermittently. The new batteries did the trick, and then some. When I came back inside, Josh informed me that they were bothered by the continuous buzzing (had to screw the lid back on, which put my hand in front of the sensor...), and got up and left in a hurry.
Example #4: Fed Ex lost one box from my weekly shipment. You know, stuff I need to operate the business. I called my supplier and had them overnight, at great expense, a box of the syrups I'd need, especially since I was currently out. One of my employees, who is not the brightest bulb in the box, decided that Fed Ex wasn't supposed to be delivering anything, and since the box had no invoice on the outside anyway, refused to sign for it, sending it back. I had to get in touch with our supplier, who got in touch with Fed Ex, who got in touch with the driver, and had him redeliver. Disaster averted, at the cost of a couple of hours of frantic scambling. I was too mad speak with the employee, knowing that in my ire, I would most likely fire her for being an idiot. She, however, took the initiative to inform me that if I was to have packages delivered to that store, that I needed to inform her. Uhhh......NO! I don't!!!! Luckily, she chose to put in her 2 weeks notice, rather than being ridden out the door on the toe of my boot....
Example #5:
As Baron of the local SCA group, I am the recipient of many wonderful little gifts, not to mention the butt of a lot of practical jokes. Often, the two are combined. The former Baron recieved gnomes. Yard gnomes. They'd show up in the cabin, on the feast table, in the thrones, etc. Someone decided that little stuffed clowns would be my gimmick. I believe that I've mentioned it in the past, but these are my kryptonite. Dolls that move creep me out, especially clowns, so I'm not real keen on the stuffed variety, animated with evil souls, or not. This one is a little clown jester with a very evil grin on it's face. It showed up in my throne about a year ago, and I managed to pawn it off on someone. At an event this past weekend, it showed back up in the middle of the day, on my bed in the cabin. Shivvers, goosebumps, the whole nine yards. This is, for me, the equivalent of locking a claustrophobic in a broom closet, for kicks. Not very nice.
If you'll notice in my tag at the top of this page, it ends with "the dude abides". This, for those not in the know, is stolen from "The Big Lebowski". (If you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it.) His world spins out of control because of events that he had nothing to do with, but gets drawn into anyway, he stumbles his way through, and things work out, albeit with a little tragedy involved, and he moves on. This is the story of my life. Well, with the exception of the drugs, the bowling, and the rampant unemployment. Otherwise, I am the Dude. I move on. The Dude abides.
posted by Turtle at 10:47 PM
4 Comments:
Regarding the rampant stupidity of the current generations of the human race... I swear it's time for some large scale genetic cleansing. There's nothing like an ice age or giant meteor impact to separate those with the brains to survive from those without. =)
Regarding the clowns... you should get your friends to suggest a shift to something you LIKE, such as turtle stuff. It still gets old at times, but you find yourself actually appreciating the insanity more and sometimes you end up with some cool stuff. Hence Mittion's cows and my sheep.... Did you see my new sheep tape measures that I was gifted with at Martinmas? I also found a circle of stuffed sheep engaged in... well... a circular activity inappropriate for children on my bed. Odd.... but better than something like snakes or spiders. I suggest bats for Alysoun. =)
Heh. But you nade litte Fin's evening with giving it to him. Now if only Castlemere wern't so close...
Vistillia
I work in an area that some consider morbid, but I feel good about becuase I can instantly work to help the situation (not something you always get a chance to do in corporate America).
The situation: The first and middle name on the policy is nothing like the name on the death certificate.
Caller: What would you like me to send in order to get the claim paid?
Rep: We will need a copy of the legal name change from the courts."
Caller:Well that would have been when she was a teenage. What willyou need?
Rep: The court documentation showing the name change.
Caller: I don't think it was ever done legally. I am just going to send you a letter saying the who you show as Mary Jane* is actually Phoebee*."
Rep: I am sorry but we will need something from a legal standpoint showing the Mary Jane and Phoebee is actually the same person."
Caller: (louder because as everyone knows when confronting corporate policies based on laws, screaming gets you your way) I need to know what you need to get the money!
Rep: Documentation of the name change from the courts or a death certificate in the person's legal name."
From there, it began again.....
I've worked with the public for 19 years. It hasn't improved my opinion of humanity. To quote my brother Damien: People are weak and stupid.
Now, as to clowns and dolls, I'd like to reaffirm that: Clowns are just freakin' evil! Clown dolls doubly so!
At least that creepy jester doll won't come back to haunt you again. No one's going to get that doll away from little Finn.
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