Bar Etiquette 101
Okay, so this really won't apply to most who read this rambling journal o' mine, but the other night was the proverbial dromedary snapping straw... I've joked for years that I was going to write a "bar-going manual", to teach the ins and outs of the public pub experience, from the professional, inside view. It is no longer a joke. Friday night was filled with morons with no apparent idea how to behave on a night out on the town.
Lesson One: The Bartender:
Most bartenders earn their wages through tips. They do receive an hourly wage, but this is less than minimum wage, and mostly goes to pay taxes. I receive a paycheck, every two weeks, of $2.00 - $4.00, after Unkie Sam gets his fair share. That is for two entire weeks worth of work. This won't even buy lunch, yet alone pay any bills. Bartenders depend on their tips as income. This is how they make a living. Tips are their only source of income. They are not Red Cross workers; they are not volunteers. They work for money, and that money comes in the form of tips. Get it? Can I get any clearer?
Don't want to have to pay a tip on top of your drink cost? Pick up a sixer at the Quickie-Mart and go drink at home. Tipping is part of the service, so factor in the cost before you go. Otherwise, don't go. I once had a customer who went two rounds without tipping. This is my cutoff zone. I served everyone else around him, including those standing directly behind him, while he was quite ignored. He asked me why I was ignoring him, and said that all bartenders tend to do that to him. He honestly didn't know why. I informed him, and he actually replied "Well, I can't afford to drink AND tip." Guess what? You can't afford to drink in a bar. That is the reality of it.
The "industry standard" is, theoretically, 10-15%. 15-20% is better. A dollar per drink is more realistic. Change is for the toll booth; save your quarters. Tip a quarter and don't be surprised to find it bouncing on the bar in front of you. ("Oooooh! Half-way to that newpaper I've been saving up for!") If a more complicated drink is ordered, tip accordingly. A draft beer, or whisky and cola are pretty easy. A hand squeezed margarita involves a bit more work. I can serve three customers in the time it takes to make one decent margarita, so that's three tips lost. Think about it.... (Yeah, I can make a crappy margarita in about 15 seconds, but that defeats the purpose of having a decent margarita, now doesn't it?)
Since I am in the "industry", I tend to tip ridiculously well. I usually give 20-25%, at a minimum. I also very seldom have to wait to get a drink.
Don't say "I'll catch you at the end of the night." We've heard this hundreds of times over, and 99.9% of the time it means we're going to get shafted. We are tired of it. Frankly, that is one of the easiest ways to piss off a bartender. Sometimes you forget. Sometimes you blow through all your money. Sometimes you have no intention of tipping at all, and only say it to make sure you get service. With me, you get two chances (I am, I am told, very nice to give them this much opportunity). Stiff me twice, and you go thirsty. I've got plenty of other customers who will tip, so why should I waste my time with you?
Don't cop the attitude that "everyone else is tipping, so they're making plenty of money". "Everyone else" is going to continue to get served. Do not suddenly become "European". Sure, they don't tip over there. They also have to shell out a hefty cover charge to get in, and pay a lot more per drink. The one who puts no bread in the jar is a waste of time more valuably spent serving those who are tipping. "You can't ignore a customer!" No? I can sure as hell serve every else first....
And please don't break out the "you've got to earn the tip" attitude. When a bartender is slammed, or, as we like to say, in the weeds, he is getting to everyone as soon as possible. He makes your drinks as fast as he can. Guess what? That's earning the tip. He's busy, so he doesn't have time to blow a little sunshine up your arse. If it is slow, and he is sitting on his thumbs, watching the boob-tube, then you've got an excuse. Otherwise? Get over it, and get real.
That guy or gal is behind that counter on a Friday or Saturday night, busting his/her tail to serve you and your friends. You are out having a good time on a weekend, while they are working. They are not doing this because they have no social life. They are there because they have to pay rent/mortgage, car payments, utilities, etc.
Bartenders have bad days too. A major part of their job is dealing with drunks. Think about it... inebriation is their business. The atmosphere tends to be loud, so people are constantly shouting at them, and not always nicely. They get a lot of people looking for bargains or breaks or freebies. It gets old, believe me. There are the "busy hours" wherein they are in constant motion, hustling from one end of the bar to the other, trying to make sure that everyone is served, as fast as possible. Throw a few non-tippers into the mix, and it'll really put a damper on your mood.
When a bar is busy, the bartender is busy. He will try to get to everyone as soon as possible. Do not shout; this will cause you to turn invisible. Do not whistle. They are not dogs. This will cause you to turn invisible. Shouting their name (only because you heard one of his regulars use it - you don't know them and they don't know you) will cause you to become invisible. NOT TIPPING WILL CAUSE YOU TO BECOME INVISIBLE. There are plenty of other customers, most of whom do tip. Guess who is going to get waited on first?
So, how do you get served at a busy bar? Being a regular helps. Being a regular who is known for tipping helps a lot more. (I have one regular who always orders one draft import, costing $4.50, and pays with a $10, and always says "keep the change". Guess who has a beer waiting when he walks in the door, no matter how crowded the bar is?) Tipping very well on your first round will help you be remembered. Otherwise, sit (stand) quietly, with payment in your hand (held calmly, not waved frantically) and try to make eye contact. Don't shout. Don't interrupt. Wait. Patient people get served faster, believe it or not.
Don't ask for discounts. You are in a bar, not the flea market. Don't ask for free drinks or shots. A lot of the time, the drink is not actually free, but is paid for on our tab (hence, "this one is on me"). We give the freebies to those who have demonstrated the ability to tip well. We give them at our leisure. Ask and/or beg, and you get nothing.
Don't give the bartender a hard time, for whatever reason. It is not his fault the drinks cost what they do - he only pours 'em, he doesn't set the price. It is not his fault you ran up a $100 tab. You should have kept better track. Ask what your drinks cost. Ask for the occassional total. Don't whine that someone else got served first - there's probably a reason. They may be a regular. They may have been waiting longer. They probably tip better that you. Whatever the reason, whining will only increase your wait time for the next drink.
You want to have a good time with your friends? You want fast, friendly, personal service? Become a "regular". Get to know the bartender. Find out his name (by asking him, not by overhearing someone else...) Talk to him. (But don't do it when the bar is busy... Come in a little earlier before the bar fills up.) Tip well, and often. And be polite and friendly. You'll get better service. You'll have a better time. And you may even get an occassional free drink.
Be a jerk, and you just may find yourself talking to the very large man at the door.....
Lesson One: The Bartender:
Most bartenders earn their wages through tips. They do receive an hourly wage, but this is less than minimum wage, and mostly goes to pay taxes. I receive a paycheck, every two weeks, of $2.00 - $4.00, after Unkie Sam gets his fair share. That is for two entire weeks worth of work. This won't even buy lunch, yet alone pay any bills. Bartenders depend on their tips as income. This is how they make a living. Tips are their only source of income. They are not Red Cross workers; they are not volunteers. They work for money, and that money comes in the form of tips. Get it? Can I get any clearer?
Don't want to have to pay a tip on top of your drink cost? Pick up a sixer at the Quickie-Mart and go drink at home. Tipping is part of the service, so factor in the cost before you go. Otherwise, don't go. I once had a customer who went two rounds without tipping. This is my cutoff zone. I served everyone else around him, including those standing directly behind him, while he was quite ignored. He asked me why I was ignoring him, and said that all bartenders tend to do that to him. He honestly didn't know why. I informed him, and he actually replied "Well, I can't afford to drink AND tip." Guess what? You can't afford to drink in a bar. That is the reality of it.
The "industry standard" is, theoretically, 10-15%. 15-20% is better. A dollar per drink is more realistic. Change is for the toll booth; save your quarters. Tip a quarter and don't be surprised to find it bouncing on the bar in front of you. ("Oooooh! Half-way to that newpaper I've been saving up for!") If a more complicated drink is ordered, tip accordingly. A draft beer, or whisky and cola are pretty easy. A hand squeezed margarita involves a bit more work. I can serve three customers in the time it takes to make one decent margarita, so that's three tips lost. Think about it.... (Yeah, I can make a crappy margarita in about 15 seconds, but that defeats the purpose of having a decent margarita, now doesn't it?)
Since I am in the "industry", I tend to tip ridiculously well. I usually give 20-25%, at a minimum. I also very seldom have to wait to get a drink.
Don't say "I'll catch you at the end of the night." We've heard this hundreds of times over, and 99.9% of the time it means we're going to get shafted. We are tired of it. Frankly, that is one of the easiest ways to piss off a bartender. Sometimes you forget. Sometimes you blow through all your money. Sometimes you have no intention of tipping at all, and only say it to make sure you get service. With me, you get two chances (I am, I am told, very nice to give them this much opportunity). Stiff me twice, and you go thirsty. I've got plenty of other customers who will tip, so why should I waste my time with you?
Don't cop the attitude that "everyone else is tipping, so they're making plenty of money". "Everyone else" is going to continue to get served. Do not suddenly become "European". Sure, they don't tip over there. They also have to shell out a hefty cover charge to get in, and pay a lot more per drink. The one who puts no bread in the jar is a waste of time more valuably spent serving those who are tipping. "You can't ignore a customer!" No? I can sure as hell serve every else first....
And please don't break out the "you've got to earn the tip" attitude. When a bartender is slammed, or, as we like to say, in the weeds, he is getting to everyone as soon as possible. He makes your drinks as fast as he can. Guess what? That's earning the tip. He's busy, so he doesn't have time to blow a little sunshine up your arse. If it is slow, and he is sitting on his thumbs, watching the boob-tube, then you've got an excuse. Otherwise? Get over it, and get real.
That guy or gal is behind that counter on a Friday or Saturday night, busting his/her tail to serve you and your friends. You are out having a good time on a weekend, while they are working. They are not doing this because they have no social life. They are there because they have to pay rent/mortgage, car payments, utilities, etc.
Bartenders have bad days too. A major part of their job is dealing with drunks. Think about it... inebriation is their business. The atmosphere tends to be loud, so people are constantly shouting at them, and not always nicely. They get a lot of people looking for bargains or breaks or freebies. It gets old, believe me. There are the "busy hours" wherein they are in constant motion, hustling from one end of the bar to the other, trying to make sure that everyone is served, as fast as possible. Throw a few non-tippers into the mix, and it'll really put a damper on your mood.
When a bar is busy, the bartender is busy. He will try to get to everyone as soon as possible. Do not shout; this will cause you to turn invisible. Do not whistle. They are not dogs. This will cause you to turn invisible. Shouting their name (only because you heard one of his regulars use it - you don't know them and they don't know you) will cause you to become invisible. NOT TIPPING WILL CAUSE YOU TO BECOME INVISIBLE. There are plenty of other customers, most of whom do tip. Guess who is going to get waited on first?
So, how do you get served at a busy bar? Being a regular helps. Being a regular who is known for tipping helps a lot more. (I have one regular who always orders one draft import, costing $4.50, and pays with a $10, and always says "keep the change". Guess who has a beer waiting when he walks in the door, no matter how crowded the bar is?) Tipping very well on your first round will help you be remembered. Otherwise, sit (stand) quietly, with payment in your hand (held calmly, not waved frantically) and try to make eye contact. Don't shout. Don't interrupt. Wait. Patient people get served faster, believe it or not.
Don't ask for discounts. You are in a bar, not the flea market. Don't ask for free drinks or shots. A lot of the time, the drink is not actually free, but is paid for on our tab (hence, "this one is on me"). We give the freebies to those who have demonstrated the ability to tip well. We give them at our leisure. Ask and/or beg, and you get nothing.
Don't give the bartender a hard time, for whatever reason. It is not his fault the drinks cost what they do - he only pours 'em, he doesn't set the price. It is not his fault you ran up a $100 tab. You should have kept better track. Ask what your drinks cost. Ask for the occassional total. Don't whine that someone else got served first - there's probably a reason. They may be a regular. They may have been waiting longer. They probably tip better that you. Whatever the reason, whining will only increase your wait time for the next drink.
You want to have a good time with your friends? You want fast, friendly, personal service? Become a "regular". Get to know the bartender. Find out his name (by asking him, not by overhearing someone else...) Talk to him. (But don't do it when the bar is busy... Come in a little earlier before the bar fills up.) Tip well, and often. And be polite and friendly. You'll get better service. You'll have a better time. And you may even get an occassional free drink.
Be a jerk, and you just may find yourself talking to the very large man at the door.....
posted by Turtle at 12:40 AM
1 Comments:
Amen, Brother Tortuga! I spent 2 years in a hell-place called Taco Viva dealing with just the types of a-holes you describe. Except you get the added bonus of them being intoxicated. I had no idea non-tippers were so rampant. Back in my clubbing days I considered tipping to be non-optional, and if I couldn't afford to tip, I didn't go out. I think you should publish a guide to being a good patron. You've got a real good start here. :-)
Post a Comment
<< Home