Pondering....

The old question occurred to me, "how does aspirin know where to go"? Well, the obvious answer is that it dissolves into the bloodstream and goes everywhere, therefore, eventually, hitting the pained area.

So, while deleting the umpteen spams in my mailbox, many regarding a great little pill that will increase the size of my "manhood", a similar question occurred. Well, how does it know? It dissolves into the bloodstream and goes to the right place. Right? But I've got other dangleys, as well. I call them fingers and toes. Do the consumers (read morons) who take these things end up with fingers twice their size, looking like Jack Skellington? Guess that gives credence to the old lie about big hands and feet, eh?

While playing City of Heroes, another thought crossed my mind. Why do all superheroes wear spandex? Is it THAT comfortable? And, if so, why aren't we all wearing it?

How about when the batteries are about to die in the remote? What do we do? We mash the buttons harder, and shake the remote at the TV, as though the extra little shrug will help.

Similar thing with elevators. We push the button and wait. If it doesn't come soon enough, we push it again. The light is on... The elevator will come when it gets there, and pushing the damn button again won't do any good! We know this! Why do we still do it? And why, do others walk up and join us in our wait, and reach down and push the call button? They can see the button is lit. Is this some kind of anti-social unspoken symbol that says, "Hi, I'm waiting too." We know you're waiting!!

Same with crosswalks. Pushing the button harder, and multiple times is going to make that light change, right?

Why can't Sammy Sosa speak English? He's played baseball here for, what, 15-16 years? He's on the edge of breaking records, and can't string together a decent sentence in the language of the country that pays his so damn well?

What drugs are the ad execs at Burgery King on? And why have they suddenly started sharing their stash with the ad execs at Wendy's?

Why, out of the six gazillion shopping carts available, do I always get the one with the wheel that doesn't work? And why does the person who is, for some reason, following me one aisle over, get the one with the squeaky wheel? And how does one little plastic bag of food cost $40??

These questions and more, on the next "As the Shell Turns".

What is Beauty?

Was reading someone else's post on a different blogspot, and he inquired as to what we consider classic beauty. It's a great question. So... what are your thoughts? Gimme 10 names. They don't have to be "old" starlets from a classical, bygone era, though a lot of mine are.... They can be modern as well. (Though a lot of modern "beauties" rely a lot on makeup.... Have you seen Lindsay Lohan in the "I didn't do it" photos? Ech.) And you can list either sex as well; just list that which defines, in your mind's eye, beauty.

And yes, we know you love your spouse/better half/SO, and think they are the most precious creatures to ever roam the planet. I think mine is. Beyond a doubt. So, that's a given. But I'm thinking of those with a little more recog factor here, someone that every reader can identify, or, at least, look up....

Here's my list, in no particular order:

Audrey Hepburn
Jean Simmons
Grace Kelly
Raquel Welch
Tahnee Welch
Catherine Denueve
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Sofia Loren
Scarlett Johansson
Janine Turner

And I give a special nod to Louise Brooks, as she is a distant relative....

Neat little time waster...

I have been introduced to a new game... It is kind of like the Sims meets Camelot... It reminds me of the old BBS games, in the days of yore.... It is a bit simplistic, but only takes a few minutes of maintenance time, and is oddly addictive. It is ad driven, but they're not so bad (and you can get a membership to get rid of them, but otherwise it is free...). In fact, I hardly notice them.... They best part is that I get gold and stuff for "recruiting knaves".... C'mon in, the waters fine!

http://world5.knightfight.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=115224374

Ass Magnet...

Yeah... Ass hats and idiots. I seem to attract them. They find me, no matter where I am. How did I get so lucky?

We went out to dinner the other night, after the SCA meeting. The parking lot was quite full, so it was the "wait 'til someone pulls out" game. I found a good spot to sit and "shark" and wait... There was a guy who was in and out of his car, so there was no telling if he was coming or going. He'd been doing such while I was circling, so had been at it for about 5 minutes. He'd open the trunk, root around, go into the back seat, back to the trunk, etc. Still no clue if he was coming or going. A girl bebopped into the car next to him, so I figured on snagging her spot. I put on my blinker and waited patiently. A pickup truck pulled up in the other direction, and stopped, as though waiting on the same spot. No way, Jose! The spot opened and I made my move. The "guy next door" was still futzing about the car, so I had to be careful pulling in, but had to move quickly, as well. As I'm getting out, GND pulls a 4 year old boy out of the back seat and starts to walk down the sidewalk, and mutters something to the effect of "you could've effin' waited!" I got out of the van and asked him, "What did you say to me??" He muttered something else, and kept walking. "You'd better watch what you say to people, buddy! Smart ass comments aren't safe in this day and age; you never know what kind of lunatic you might be talking to!" I passed him, and he averted his eyes. An ass hat AND an idiot.

Then there is the plethora of youngsters at the bar. It is now "Summer B", when all the incoming freshmen are here. All first years coming out of high school have to attend. And they have fake IDs. Good ones. Really, really good ones. Apparently there's a guy out there making them, and ATF wants him badly. Supposedly, these things have fooled cops. what can I do as a bartender? They got what appears to be a valid ID, that says they are of age, though I'll be damned if these kids are more than a month or two over 18..... And, they have no knowledge of bar ettiquette, whatsoever. Had a group of 6 the other night. Each got their own little drink, one at a time. Couldn't order together.... They piled the tips up in a neat little stack. Each left a bright, shiny quarter. Wow.

Through a series of mishaps, I didn't get dinner Friday night, and was quite hungry bright and early Saturday morning, after driving to Sheeps house, and getting ready do drive down to D's house for the day. Being so hungry, and having a 2 hour drive ahead, we stopped at BK for breakfast. Sheeps was driving, and we pulled up to the drive thru and she ordered. "A number 3, with sausage..." "A number one with sausage?" What?? "No, a number 3, with sausage." "With bacon?" "NO. Sausage!" "What would you like to drink?" "Large Diet Coke." "Large coffee?" I'm really not sure how the rest of the order went, as I was too busy laughing my ass off. They did manage to get the food right, though they may have spit in it.....

On Sunday, we had a guy in a Corvette pull in front of us. I mean right in front of us. I mean "cut us off and make us hit the brakes to avoid running him over" in front of us. Ummmm...., 'scuse me, Mister Tiny Penis? You're in a plastic car, dude. I'm in a SUV. Who do you think is gonna win? Sheesh.

So... for the rest of you reading this? The ones who never run into these royal ape asses? You can thank me, for I think I have gotten your share......