NO MORE BEANS!
One of my dutiful squires just made a trip out to Texas to visit with his parents. He brought back a lovely pinto bean recipe that his mother makes, with the supposed guarantee that it does not cause gas. He tried the recipe last night, and I have only this to say. Mom lied!!!!!
Quick background segue: My truck is currently undergoing repairs. (I got an oil change and they didn't tighten the filter down properly, so oil leaked out and the engine blew. It sucks, and they deny any responsibility, but it was easier and cheaper to buy a new engine and install it than to go through a protracted legal struggle hoping to prove it was them and make them pay for it...) This week, I am relying on the kindness of strangers (and they don't come any stranger than my squires) for rides to and from work.
"Little T" showed up at the shop to pick me up last night. He'd had several bowls of the volatile beans, and they'd had plenty of time to work up a good lather.... I was in the office counting down the registers, and he was standing in the doorway, talking to me. As a kindness, he backed off into the other room and "cut loose". He was 20 feet away, in a separate room.... My eyes teared up and I literally started choking. OHMYGAWD! I have been the unfortunate recipient of some extremely foul smells in my lifetime, but this one beat them all, hands down. The odor had a life of its own! Foul! Horrid! Nefarious! Tainted! Unclean!! Someone call Guinness, 'cause that's got to be a record!
Are you beginning to get a picture of the horror? I am banning this particular dish from ever being made again! If you should ever see any of my squires with a bag of pinto beans in their grubby little hands, please beat them down with a large stick and spray them off with copious amounts of Lysol! Do it for me. Do it for the ozone! Uck!
Quick background segue: My truck is currently undergoing repairs. (I got an oil change and they didn't tighten the filter down properly, so oil leaked out and the engine blew. It sucks, and they deny any responsibility, but it was easier and cheaper to buy a new engine and install it than to go through a protracted legal struggle hoping to prove it was them and make them pay for it...) This week, I am relying on the kindness of strangers (and they don't come any stranger than my squires) for rides to and from work.
"Little T" showed up at the shop to pick me up last night. He'd had several bowls of the volatile beans, and they'd had plenty of time to work up a good lather.... I was in the office counting down the registers, and he was standing in the doorway, talking to me. As a kindness, he backed off into the other room and "cut loose". He was 20 feet away, in a separate room.... My eyes teared up and I literally started choking. OHMYGAWD! I have been the unfortunate recipient of some extremely foul smells in my lifetime, but this one beat them all, hands down. The odor had a life of its own! Foul! Horrid! Nefarious! Tainted! Unclean!! Someone call Guinness, 'cause that's got to be a record!
Are you beginning to get a picture of the horror? I am banning this particular dish from ever being made again! If you should ever see any of my squires with a bag of pinto beans in their grubby little hands, please beat them down with a large stick and spray them off with copious amounts of Lysol! Do it for me. Do it for the ozone! Uck!
posted by Turtle at 12:14 PM
2 Comments:
unfair! This post made me laugh and since my face is still swollen from the surgery, laughing hurt.
I know that we sometimes like to think of ourselves above such things, but very little can trump the universal amusement inherent in a good fart story. Just sorry you had to lose some lung lining to garner this tale. ;-)
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