V is for Viscious Little Beeyotch

I got an email this morning, from a name I didn't recognize. This is not huge feat, as I receive about a hundred, hundred and fifty junk emails a day. I am well versed in the usage of the delete key. Just before I deleted it, I notice the body of the message had my SCA name in it, so I stopped and read.

It seems that a fellow knight had ordered a book, "The Book of the Order of Chivalry" by Ramon Lull. Great book. I happen to own it myself. Or did.... Seems that inside the front cover of the book this gentleman received was an inscription: "To Sir Terrell, on the occassion of his knighting." Checked the bookshelf, and, sure enough, my copy is missing.

I've no explaination, other than the "ex" getting a final stab in at me. It is inexplicable. Why would you do something like that?? And now the question begs, what else did she pawn off? I sent a note to the gentleman, asking what the bookseller's name was, so I can pay them a visit and peruse their shelves for other items formerly belonging to me...

Someone suggested I contact them and see if they have a record of who sold them the book originally, but that is useless. I know the way these places work. You take them a bag of books, they say "you've got this many, we'll give you so and so dollars, or twice that in credit...." Bookkeeping (no pun intended) is not exactly a concern...

Oh, well. At least fate has smiled upon me, and I'll get it back... Silver lining, no?

They're baaaaaack!

Okay, that refers to me and the rest of gang who'd gone to Gulf Wars, and to the students here in G'ville, who were on Spring Break. Speaking of classic horror movies, check out http://tinyurl.com/chlg5. It's the feel good movie of the year!

Yes, I am home from war. It was a delightful time. Sort of. Okay, it had its crummy moments, and I pretty much was heartsick the whole time from missing Sheeps, but it had its upsides as well. I'll write more on Gulf Wars later, when I have a little more free time, am not exhuasted, and am not going crazy here at the shop...

Just a quick story, from this evening... Sheeps had come to visit me last night, and was waiting at Chez Tortue when I got home from the war. This was a very nice thing. We got to spend what was left of the evening together, as well as most of today. We went and had dinner and she dropped me off at work before her long drive home. Actually, *I* dropped us off, as I was driving. I pulled into the little grassy area behind the parking lot, where the management always parks, so as not to take up actual customer parking. As I was getting out of the car, some asshat comes walking by on his way into the store and says "Hey cowboy! Park behind the building!" I replied that I was the manager and this was where we parked. "You can't park on the grass!" "I'll park where ever I damn well feel like it!" He walked into the store, regardless of insulting the manager, i.e. me.

I'd pretty much forgotten about him, until a few minutes ago, when my employee knocked on the office door, and told me that there was an angry customer that wanted to talk to me. What?? Can't be the same guy, that was 2 1/2 hours ago! So, I hauled myself out into the lobby to see what was the matter.

Sure enough, it was the same guy. "Do you always treat your customers so rudely?" "What are you talking about?" "My girlfriend says you were rude to us in the parking lot!" "I replied to your rudeness, if that's what you mean." "I'm a customer!" "No, you're not. Get out of my store." "I'm going to tell all my friends about this!" "Please do. Be sure to give them the whole story, though." He then proceded to "bow up" and try to get in my face, giving me the "evil eye". I wanted to laugh. I simply stared down at him and said, "You really need to leave now." (And hoping, beyond hope that he'd dare take a swing at me. Please?) He backed up, looked at me, and spit on my floor. I calmly pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911. "Yes, can I have an officer come to my location? I have a customer causing a scene in my store, and he spit on my floor when I asked him to leave. I'd like him trespassed, please." I got a sneer, as he turned around and walked, rather briskly out the door and toward the parking lot and left. I told the dispatcher that he'd left and wouldn't need the officer after all.

Some people are simply amazing. They think that they can act any way that they wish, and get away with it, because they are "customers". Guess what? They're wrong. The customer is not always right. Occasionally, they're an ass-hat. Remarkably, I remained rather calm through the whole thing.

Old people suck!

One of my squires approached me the other day, and mentioned that Sam's had these neat folding cots on sale. They were larger than your average cot and had a 10 year warranty, to boot. Since Gulf Wars was coming up, he was going to grab one so he didn't have to mess around with an air mattress all week long, and would I like him to pick one up for me? Why yes, that would be lovely, thank you.

Well, knowing this particular squire rather well, I called him this morning. "Did you get your cot?" "Yes, I did." Hmmm.... "Do they have any left, as I need to get one..." "Yeah, they still have some. You'll find them in the camping aisle." Sigh. I knew it! So, off to Sam's I go.

Now, I'm already in a fairly rotten mood. I have to make an unnecessary trip, when I really don't have the time. I, apparently, slept wrong, so I have a shooting pain in my back. This day just hasn't started off well at all.

I get to Sam's, and barely avoid getting run down by a van that decided to back up without the use of those "look behind you" thingamabobs. Well, I survive, and manage to find the cots, as promised, in the camping aisle, and make my way through the checkout, which didn't take nearly as long as usual. Maybe the day won't be so bad after all. As I am walking out, an elderly gentleman behind me runs me over with his cart. Now, I am a big guy, so obviously he didn't "run me over", but he did plow into my ankle, hard enough to completely knock my shoe off.

I stumbled forward, in yet even more pain, and turned, awaiting the apology. I got a scowl and a "didn't hit you that hard." Whu... whu.. what??? "The words you are looking for are 'I'm' sorry'." "Just shut up!" What? "What the hell is wrong with you??" "I'll put my foot up your ass!" What?? Okay, no more Mr. Saintly Guy. "You want of piece of this, old man?? I will tear you in half!!" "Let's just end this peacefully, okay?" Oh, you threaten me, I call your bluff, and now you want to end it peacefully?? "Just get out of here. And watch where the hell you're going!" I never did get a "sorry".

So, I almost had to kick the crap out of an old man. And the worst part? I didn't start it, and I still would have been the bad guy! All I wanted was a little contrition. One small apology. But no. It isn't just the young ones that have no manners these days. It would seem that those that do are few and far between.

More Random Musings

So, I was reading an article in the local college rag the other day, when a particular expression jumped off the page and slapped me in the face. The article was about "Vegetarian Awareness Day" (bet you never knew such a thing existed) festivities, and the guest speaker, who is the nation's first vegan body builder. He made a statement that his decision to go vegan was a "life-changing experience". Hmmm.... Isn't pretty much every single decision you make in life a life-changing experience?? I decided to get out of bed this morning. My life is changed! Man, I don't know why, but I really, really hate that expression!

Speaking of expressions, redundancies seem to be everywhere of late. We sell chai at the shop. Chai means tea. Some customers will order a chai tea. They are ordering a tea tea. ATM Machine? You want an automated teller machine machine?? Apple Pie ala mode, with ice cream. Actually on a menu. Roast beef, with au jus sauce?? How about an unexpected surprise? Isn't a surprise generally unexpected??? How many times have you heard a store advertise for you to "come in for your free gift!"? Now, a gift you pay for isn't exactly a gift, now is it?? How about "advanced warning"? Isn't it pretty much useless being warned if it's already occurred?? How's about "completely unanimous"? No, it was actually only a partially unanimous vote.... Here's one: for your FYI. What?????

Okay, tonight's the Oscar's. I've no idea what's going on, as I am here at the coffee shop. But one thing about the Oscar's has been bothering me. One of the movie's up for the little golden statuette is "Brokeback Mountain". I'll forebear making any tired jokes. What bothers me is that I've heard nothing about the movie, other than it is about gay cowboys. Haven't heard what a great movie it is. Haven't heard about the fantastic acting. Great script? Directing? Nope. It is about gay cowboys. That's it! C'mon! Are we so petty in this country that that is the selling point? Can this movie actually win an Academy Award because it is "about gay cowboys"???? Look, I don't generally care for most of the movies that get nominated for the awards, and rarely see them, to be honest, but at least you hear how wonderful they are! Oh, well. I think I'll go make myself a latte. I hear that gays drink them a lot, so they must be good....

Go away, little girl....

So.... last night at the bar, the doorman had to take a restroom break, and it was slow, so my barback and I said we'd watch the door. Three girls walk in, and my barback asks for their ID's. The first was valid and good, no problem. The second.... slight problem. Barback laughs, says "No way." She gets pissy. He hands ID to me, with out saying a word. I look at it and discover the "problem" right away. It listed her date of birth as 1977. This girl did not even look 21, yet alone 29. I told her that she's as close to 29 as I am... She replied "I'm not 29! I'm 21!" "Well, your ID says you're 29, so one of you is obviously lying. Either way, you're not coming in." Meanwhile, the third girl in the party hands her ID to barback. He laughs, hands it to me. It is an ID for the first girl who walked in. A girl who happens to be standing 3 feet away... How stupid do these punkass little girls think we are?

I know that they are away from home for the first time, and the atmosphere at college is party, party, party...., but why can't they party at their homes? Or friends homes? By going out and using fake IDs, which is a federal offense, by the by, they make themselves liable, but also the bartenders. If I serve an underage person, knowingly or not, I get fined and sent to jail. Not the youngster. Not the doorman who let her in. Me. It is a $1700 fine for me, a $2400 fine for the bar, and I get to spend the night in jail. Because Ellen Eighteenyearold wants to go to a bar with her friends. So *I* am the asshole who ruins their fun. *I* am the butthead here who won't let them drink. How the hell does that work???