Chaos and Anarchy Reigns...

"Tentacles! Tentacles!" Ah, the sweet lulling chorus heard on the sound track to the new musical "Shoggoth on the Roof", based on the works of HP Lovecraft... Wow. Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands, made worse by having access to a recording studio.... Yikes, scary. Funny. Have to admit, it was funny. But scary.

Ahhh.... The weekend from hell, and from heaven. It was the opening weekend of the Hoggetowne Faire this weekend. It all started on Friday... I receive a frantic call at the shop, from the coordinator of the Gainesville Youth Chorus. They were having their big winter show on Saturday eve, and my lovely squire promised that we'd provide coffee. Lots of coffee. Well, my soon to be deceased squire neglected to mention this little fact... before he left for Seattle for a week... ::heavy sigh:: All right, no problem. I'll take care of it. If he promised, he promised.

Finished the morning at the shop, headed for the fairgrounds to help set up, then headed home for a shower and then off to work at the bar. A good little crowd was gathering at the house, as, apparently, half of the fair staff was staying at my place... I really didn't mind, but it was a tad bit crowded..., and they all decided to come visit me at the bar. It probably helped me keep my sanity, as I just wasn't in the mood to be there. It was made even nicer by the presence of Rabid Attack Sheep. I knew full well that she was coming up for the faire, but didn't expect to see her at the bar. In fact, she was partly to blame for my sour mood, in that she'd not arrived by the time I had to go to work, so I didn't think I'd get to see her until o'dark thirty. The night was fairly busy, and flew by fairly fast. I finished my cleanup duties as fast as I could and headed home. Everyone was, for the most part, still awake, and still partying. I would have loved to stay up, but was very tired, and only wanted to sleep. Poor Sheeps and I were kept up most of what remained of the night, by the noise, but they were worth a few laughs, at any rate.

The next morning was an early rising call, to head out to the faire. That was retribution time, as we got to wake the late-nighters. Several times, in fact. A couple of them were looking pretty rough... We finally left them to make their own way, and headed to the fair.

The day itself was pretty uneventful, though busy. One tidbit that absolutely must be shared. During the armored combat demo, which I announce, I decided to let the audience split up the fighters into two teams, to show them that it was definitely not choreographed. I asked the north side who they wanted on their team, and, in unison, they shouted "Not Judah!" I snarfed. When I asked the other side who they wanted, all they knew is that they definitely didn't want that Judah guy either. Wow. Harsh. So, that's his new battle cry. "Who do we want?" "Not Judah!" "When do we want him?" "Not now!"

After the fair, we ran home and changed clothes, and then Sheeps and I headed out to the school where the concert was, to start making their coffee. There was a brief stop at the shop to pick up supplies, and then off we went. The coordinator had told me over the phone that, "You can use our machines to brew. Last year he brought a couple of extra pots to make it go faster." Okay, they've got a couple of the large Bunn's, should be a piece of cake. NO. One, count 'em, one little Mr. Coffee 10 cup machine (which only makes a few cups, in the real world...) I left poor sheeps there to start the daunting task of brewing on the mighty midget, while I ran home and grabbed another one. (I'd have run to the shop to grab one of the big Bunn brewers, but they are wired into the plumbing, and are not portable...). We found a third machine in the teacher's lounge, so had them all going as fast as possible. The program committee hovered a little, but were nice, and tried to help where they could. Then the chair person showed up, the woman who'd call me in desperation in the first place. She was rather mean spirited, which surprised the heck out of me, considering she was getting free coffee. Free - expensive - coffee. I was forced to take several deep breaths and bite my tongue during her little tirade, and managed to keep my calm. The coffee got brewed, though slower than originally anticipated, and all was good.

We wearily made our way back to the house, where the popular thought amongst the guests was that we were all going to stay up and party all night. LOL! I knew better. Everyone was out cold by midnight. Sheeps and I decided that to be asleep before midnight on a Saturday eve was a crime, and meant that we were getting old, so we desperately tried to stay awake. We came up with "lillypads". To understand, you'd have to be a peer in the SCA, and be familiar with the old video game Frogger. To really understand, you'd have had to have been there. And you weren't. So there. We made it! We're not old. We stayed up late! Yay!

Sunday dawned bright and early, and it was time for another day at the faire. Ow. I hurt all over. Spent a good portion of Sunday standing on the archery line, acting as a live target. The little kids are the ones to watch out for, as they're the ones that'll hit you every time, and usually in a spot where you are wearing no armor. The adults couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, from the inside..., but the kids! Ouch.

It was another long day, getting shot at, barking the demo, and wandering around making sure the "peeps" were all right. Sheeps and I got to spend a little quality time together toward the end, and then it was time to pack up and head home. It had started to rain then, but was just a slight drizzle, and it had held off until the end of the faire, so I can't really complain.

We went home, got cleaned up, and went out to eat. After a brief dinner, it was time to bid adieu to the guests, get them on the road to home, and head home ourselves. I was exhausted, but stayed up until I heard from Sheeps that she'd arrived home safely, and then it was snoresville for me.

The weekend was long - but not long enough. It was tiring - and invigorating. It was frustrating - and pleasing. I am glad that it is over - but can't wait to do it again. (Without the whole "feed 200 people free coffee" thing thrown in the middle....)

The Turtle and The Sheep...

No, not another fable by Aesop.

For those who haven't already heard through the grapevine, I am currently seeing Rabid Attack Sheep. I wouldn't exactly qualify us as "an item", as the popular rumor goes, but we're working on it. Right now, we're more in the "courtship" stage. I enjoy her company very much, and care for her a great deal. She makes me happy. (And I hope that I do the same for her.) Isn't that all that counts in this cruel ole world?

I have not been truly happy for over two years now, but now I am elated. And it shows. Russ, a tough old biker, who is a bartender at the dive next to the bar I work at, noticed. He came over the other night, after the bars closed, to share tales of the evenings idiots, as we are wont to do. He looked at me and said, "What's going on with you?" "What do you mean?" "You've been grumblin' around here for a couple of years, but now you're all smiles. Who're you seeing?" LOL, literally. "No one you'd know, Russ." "Well, I'm happy for you!"

I am happy. And that's all I ask of my friends. That they be happy for me as well.

Shopservatrions....

Okay, I'm here at the coffee shop. Have been since, like (ohmygawd!), 2 pm yesterday. The "big bosses" are on vacation, so I'm running the show, solo.

I had to close last night, and open this morning, so I didn't even bother to go home in between. I grabbed 40 winks on the couch in the back room.

Allow me a few observations of strangeness from the shop...

Last night, as I'm kicking the last of the stragglers out (the guy who makes our truffles, a former White House chef; and an employee who was not on the clock), a young man tries to come in the front door. Mind you, this is at 1am, and we close at midnight... "Sorry, we're closed." "Oh, really?" "Yes." "Can I just come in and use the computer?" "No, you can't. I'm shutting everything down." "C'mon dude! I've got a paper that was due at midnight, and I have to finish it and email it my professor!" "Sorry, man." "Please!" "We open at 5:30, you can come back then." He walked away grumblng and muttering. Not my problem, dude.

The shop opens at 5:30 (as previously mentioned) and the opener is due in at 5. I didn't have to be here until 6, but knew, being such a light sleeper, that they'd wake me at 5 when they came in. Much to my surprise, I was awoken by the alarm on my phone, going off at 5:45. I must have been tired, not to hear the opener coming in... Odd, I still don't hear them.... Because they are not here! I jumped up and immediately proceded to get the shop open, albeit 1/2 hour late... Call Lacey, she overslept. Take care of the person in the drive-thru first. OK, call Lacey. Get the person at the front counter first. Call Lacey. Wait, drive-thru... You get the picture. It was 6:45 before I finally had a chance to call. Sure enough, she'd overslept. ::sigh::

The support person shows up at 7, as does Lacey, and the morning is off to a roaring start. A customer who was in the night before comes through the drive-thru. "Weren't you just here last night?" "Yup." "And you're here this morning?" "Yup." "You shouldn't have even bothered to go home..." "I didn't." "Wow, they cant be paying you enough..." "Nope. Have a nice day!"

"Sarge" (a local police sergeant) comes in for his morning coffee. "Wow, you look like crap!" "Gee, thanks, Sarge."

Did get a good laugh this morning, though. I am at the espresso machine, making a latte for a customer, when Darci takes an order at the drive-thru. A heavily accented hispanic woman places her order. "Largz bleck caffee, eggstra cream and shugar." I started to get the giggles at this. Darci looked confused. "Could you repeat your order, please?" "Largz bleck caffee, eggstra cream and shugar!" By this time I am completely losing it. Darci is still standing there, with a confused look on her face. "Not exactly a black coffee, is it?" I snorted. Yes, I admit it, I snorted. I had to go into the back room when she pulled up to the window, otherwise I'd be laughing right at her. Not good customer relations, you know?

To top it all off, M, who writes the schedules, only wrote the one for this week, which ends Thursday. He doesn't come back until Monday. Greeeeeeeeeeat.

This week promises to be a nightmare. I'l be running both shops, running supplies to both, doing the banking for both, trying to work on my truck, getting ready for Hoggetowne Faire, and working at the bar. Ugh.

At least I'll have a bit of happiness this weekend, which brings us to another post.....

On a lighter note....

Have you seen the "ad trucks"? They are mobile billboards. They are cargo trucks with ads all over them, and all they do is drive about town, and, well, advertise. Now, either there are several of these trucks, or this one guy gets all over town, as I see him everywhere. In addition to being a huge waste of gas, this strikes me as nothing more than mobile spam.

We have the Nat'l do not call list to get rid of telemarketers. (Although, charities and political parties are still allowed to call and wake me up, interupt my dinner, and not take no for an answer...) We have pop-up blockers for the internet and spam-guard for email. Maybe we can hire folks to tie huge rubber bumpers all over their vehicles and ram these folks off the road, so I don't have to be inundated with it. Wouldn't that be spiffy?

A Moment of Seriousness

First, in a classic show of "me-ness", allow me to say that this is not going out to anyone in particular. At least no one who reads this dialog of drivel o' mine.

Why must we persist in the spreading of rumor? Why must we, upon hearing a tale, not only believe it without checking on the validity, but spread it out and about as well? Is this a desireable trait in people? I think not.

Secondly, and in direct relation to the last, remember that every tale has two sides. Well, in my opinion, there are actually three. There is side A, side B, and the absolute truth, unfettered by opinion, emotion, or feeling. When you hear a tale, you'll be well served to remember this. Before you keep the life of the tale alive, believe it as gospel, and pass it on, ask yourself this: Do you have all the pieces of the story? Were you there? For the whole thing? Does it benefit you to pass on this tale? Does it make you a better person to tell tales? Does it benefit anyone whatsoever? Hmmmmm?

Life is entirely too short to be spent on speculation and rumor. Too short for small minds. Too short for hate. If you dislike someone, then ignore them and move on with your life. You'll be better off for it, as will they.

Personally, I like to believe in the best of everyone. Yes, I am often disappointed, but at least I give others the chance. Believe in the worst of someone, and that is probably what you are going to get.

Okay. End seriousness.

NO MORE BEANS!

One of my dutiful squires just made a trip out to Texas to visit with his parents. He brought back a lovely pinto bean recipe that his mother makes, with the supposed guarantee that it does not cause gas. He tried the recipe last night, and I have only this to say. Mom lied!!!!!

Quick background segue: My truck is currently undergoing repairs. (I got an oil change and they didn't tighten the filter down properly, so oil leaked out and the engine blew. It sucks, and they deny any responsibility, but it was easier and cheaper to buy a new engine and install it than to go through a protracted legal struggle hoping to prove it was them and make them pay for it...) This week, I am relying on the kindness of strangers (and they don't come any stranger than my squires) for rides to and from work.

"Little T" showed up at the shop to pick me up last night. He'd had several bowls of the volatile beans, and they'd had plenty of time to work up a good lather.... I was in the office counting down the registers, and he was standing in the doorway, talking to me. As a kindness, he backed off into the other room and "cut loose". He was 20 feet away, in a separate room.... My eyes teared up and I literally started choking. OHMYGAWD! I have been the unfortunate recipient of some extremely foul smells in my lifetime, but this one beat them all, hands down. The odor had a life of its own! Foul! Horrid! Nefarious! Tainted! Unclean!! Someone call Guinness, 'cause that's got to be a record!

Are you beginning to get a picture of the horror? I am banning this particular dish from ever being made again! If you should ever see any of my squires with a bag of pinto beans in their grubby little hands, please beat them down with a large stick and spray them off with copious amounts of Lysol! Do it for me. Do it for the ozone! Uck!

Two Answers

Okay, so I blantantly stole this. So what? Isn't that what the internet is all about??

Two Names You Go By
1. Steve
2. Terrell

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. English
2. Irish

Two Things That Scare You
1. Friends in pain
2. Hurting others' feelings

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Diet Coke
2. Friends

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Woody Woodpecker sleep pants
2. Gulf Wars t-shirt

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Minstrels of Mayhem
2. Rush

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Return affection
2. Comfort (as in, being comfortable with, able to have good conversations, or just sit quietly together)

Two Truths
1. No matter how innocuous your remark, someone will be offended.
2. You can not change your past, and it is what made you who you are, so live for today.

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You About the Opposite Sex.1. Intelligence
2. Eyes - the great windows unto the soul

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. SCA
2. Reading

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. To make as many people as possible happy.
2. To make just one particular person happy.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Back to the UK
2. Australia

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Make a difference.
2. Enjoy life to its fullest.

Two Ways That You are Stereotyped
1. The Nice Guy
2. Teddy Bear

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Finally fixing my Jeep.
2. A dear friend who is in pain, and little I can do about it.

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Publix
2. Wally-World

Two favorite web sites
1. www.sluggy.com
2. www.extremefunnypictures.com

Two cars you owned
1. 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee
2. 1974 Chevy Malibu

Two pets you had
1. Snoopy - My first, an insane Beagle, whom I loved dearly.
2. Schnappsie - A retired police dog German Shepard, who was involved in my toe being almost cut off, but it wasn't her fault.

Two Sports
1. Football
2. SCA Heavy Combat

Two People who will fill this out
1. A person with a computer
2. A person with time on their hands

Two things you did last nite
1. Worked at the bar
2. Worked at the coffee shop

Two shows you like to watch
1. Mythbusters
2. CSI

Two places you like to go "out" to
1. SCA Events
2. Anywhere that involves friends, and steaks

Ticked Off Tuesday

Well, technically, it all started Monday night, but since it was after midnight, I suppose Tuesday is appropriate.

The badness began when I went to vacuum the carpet at the shop, after closing. The vacuum was making funny noises. (Imagine throwing a sneaker in the dryer. A sneaker with a 1lb rock stuck in the sole...) I was reaching out with my foot to turn it off and check it out when it made a not so funny noise. It went "boom" and smoke starting pouring out. I quickly shut it off and unplugged it. Greeeeeeeeeeeat! Had to finish with the little Bissel push sweeper, which sucks. Or, more to the point, doesn't.

I then came home to discover that little Jake, who made it to his 6th birthday last weekend, but might not make it to 7, decided to cut off Gray Kitty's whiskers. Needless to say, I am a little irate. I'd half a mind to wake him up then and there and give him a piece of my mind, but he'd already been punished and sent to bed early, so what was the point. I did let him know first thing this morning that I was quite upset with him, and that what he did was very bad, very mean and very cruel. My cats are my kids, and "Daddy" is not at all happy. I honestly don't think that it sunk in to his little 6 year old brain, though.

Then, just to make matters worse, Jake went outside to play and left the door open, allowing GK to run outside. It's bad enough that he's lost a good bit of his navigational skills, but now he's outside with the handicap.

I realize that kids are kids, and will do such things, but it doesn't mean I have to like it... I really hope that there are no more suprises today.

War! What is it good for?

Absolutely everything! This weekend past was Scots/Welsch War, which is, essentially, the last large fighter practice for Gulf Wars. This started many moons ago by Llywelyn and Seosaidh, the Welsh vs the Scots, as a friendly "rivalry", and was an excuse to have a big practice/event. Those who didn't fit into one of the two categories, filled in as needs must. Well, this year was slightly different. In an effort to boost attendance, the King decided that it should be a war between the Prince and the Warlord. It was an Irish/Irish war. (No historical leap, that...) Both the Prince and the Warlord made huge efforts in recruiting fighters for their respective sides, and it showed, by the numbers of folks who attended.

What a fantastic weekend. There was plenty of fighting, and the company and companionship was truly wonderful. My fighting house, Cerberus (named after the multi-headed guardian beast of hell, as we have no true "leader", but many) showed up in great number, and was a force to be contended with. A comment was previously made that Cerberus was but a mere shadow of its former self, but we gave them pause, and cause to rethink that remark. We were *the* force to be reckoned with. The best part was hearing comments from "the other side". Several of them remarked that we just tore through them, every time. And it felt good. Very good.

The company could not have been better, and made my heart glad. The biggest shame was in leaving early, as the site was primitive (no cabins, strictly tenting) and the weather was turning unbearably cold. According to one who braved it out, it dipped into the 20's Saturday night. That's just too dang-blasted cold for me. I truly did not want to leave, but health and comfort had to take precedence.

All told, it was a wonderful weekend, and I still have a big grin on my face.

Weirdness, Goodness, Strangeness & other nesses...

First, some weirdness: On the way to the New Year's event, poor K pulled off my street, turned too wide, and clipped a little blue Mustang. An unfortunate accident, but hey, they happen. The girl had a custom license plate that read "KLOGGER". I could make a funny comment about someone holding on to a 100 year old tradition, but I play in the SCA, so that would be mighty hypocritical of me... A few days later, I had to run up to the City of Alachua, a tiny podunk town about 15 miles north of G'Ville. On the way back, I was driving down 441 and a car made a left turn onto 441, right in front of me. She really had enough room, had she got up to speed, but the limit is 65 and she was only doing about 30. I caught up awfully fast, and had to swerve around her. As I passed, I noticed that it was a little blue Mustang, with damage on the rear driver's side quarter panel. "Nooooooo way," I thought to myself, and slowed down to let her catch up, and sure enough, she had a custom plate that read "KLOGGER". How weird is that?

Had to go back to work at the bar last Friday. It was the weekend that all the students were supposedly coming back, but it was still mighty slow. Toward the end of the evening, the front doorman came up to me and said that a Mariachi band wanted to come in and play, and if that was all right...? Uh....what? I sent a message through the register for the manager to come up, and told him. "Uh....what?" Pretty much my reaction! He said sure, as long as they don't ask for any money to play... And sure enough, it was a real, live Mariachi band, complete with costumes and over-sized guitars... They came in, played a bit, socialized and had a few beers. Weeeeeird.

Last weekend was our Barony's Feast of St. Benet, our local Yule celebration amongst the local folk. For those who don't know (and hey, who doesn't?), he was a 7th century man who made several pilgrimages to Rome and helped bring art and culture to England. He is also responsible for bringing stone churches and stained glass... Knowing she's been undergoing some severe attacks of life, I invited the Divine Ms D to come up and join us for the evening festivities, and, much to my delight, she accepted. The feast was pleasant, though could have been better..., but the company was wonderful. Afterward came the "Poacher's Gift Exchange". Those who wish to participate bring an SCA related item, wrapped, and leave it on a table. All the participants draw numbers. He with #1 goes first, and picks a gift from the table. Number 2 has the choice of poaching the gift from number 1, or choosing another wrapped gift from the table... Should number 1 have been "poached", he draws another gift from the table. A gift may only be poached 3 times until it is "dead", and the current holder gets to keep it. A gift can also not be poached right back from the poacher. This goes on until there are no more gifts... Needless to say, I was the unlucky number 1, and was also poached from the most. I kept getting really cool gifts, and they were snatched almost immediately. I got some really great trim, but it was snatched from me by this punk 12 year old kid named Iain. (I'm kidding, he's a great kid.) It was poached from him by Dunkre. I had a gift poached from me, so poached the trim back from Dunkre, making it 3 steals and dead. Mine! All mine! Muhahahahaha! We socialized a bit after that, and everyone headed home.

D had a long drive, so we offered her crash space. I gave her my room, as it is the least cluttered room in the house, and gave her some privacy. And how does she repay me??? By stealing my cat's heart! Gray Kitty took a shine to her. The disloyal feline fell immediately in love with her, slept with her all night, and now struts about the house looking for her, yowling all the while. He used to snuggle with me at night, but now sleeps on "her" side of the bed. Hmmmf. Dumb ole animal! Actually, he's pretty smart, as she is a really great person, one whom I admire greatly, and am glad to call a dear friend. Still..... Traitor!

Leaving the shop today, I saw a very curious sight. I usually pull down the side street, and around the corner to the signal, as it is almost impossible to make a left on the busy intersection. As I was driving down this street, there was an elderly lady standing on her front lawn, with her one hand flat over her brows in that "Indian searching" kind of way, and she was waving the other back in forth in that "I'm over here" kind of way. I figured that guests were coming the other way down the street, and, as it is a *very* narrow street, was prepared to pull over and let them pass... Only there wasn't anyone there.... No cars coming, no one walking up the road. No one! I looked back in the rearview and she was still there, waving frantically. Okkkkkaaaaaaay. So the guests were in her head. At least she'll have company!

Leaving the Barony meeting tonight, I was driving down University Ave, and saw several African American youths come running out of a tattoo parlor, the last one carrying a crowbar. A man ran out after them, yelling obcenities, shaking one fist, and a cell phone in the other. I try not to make generalizations, but it surely looked like they tried to rob the place... Little T wanted to stop in case the police might need our statement or something. It wouldn't really help, as neither of us really got a good look at them, so we continued on.

In other news, apparently they caught a serial killer to be. You may, or may not, have heard that a couple of Santa Fe Community College students were murdered last week, while camping in the Ocala National Forest. There were deep inside, in the middle of nowhere, and they couldn't even get 4x4's in there to get them out, so they had to airlift them out. Well, a customer informed us tonight that they caught the guy who did it. He hitchhiked up from Largo, did the evil deed, and was hitchhiking back. Apparently he got too bold with one of the rides, and said too much, and the driver put 2 and 2 together and stopped and called the police. The guy is the clean-cut, guy next door type, but apparently had snapped and wanted to be the next Ted Bundy.... Thank goodness they got that piece o' work off the streets... Scary world, n'est pas?

Well, it's late, and I've much to do tomorrow, so I must be off to bed. Sleep well, gentle readers, and be thankful that you don't live in my strange world......

It's a brand spanking new year!

Lots of things have happened since last we met, boy and girls. The Yule has come and gone. Christmas was a non-event. Since the family is still trying to adjust from the hurricane season, the holiday wasn't all that spectacular. I spent it in Tampa with a squire & his lady. Nothing planned, just relax and enjoy. Or so I thought.... For an unplanned weekend, there were quite a few activities, but nothing too hectic. It was a very nice time.

New Year's was spent at an event, Hero of the Chalice. It was a wonderful time. Friday night found me getting challenged by a new-person. Said that me and my boys could not party, nor fight. We broke the poor boy. He tried to drink us under the table and ended up on the floor. Bad news for him. Bad news for me is that I drank far too much as well, but I wasn't nearly as bad off. Even worse off, he now has to make his way through all my boys, in SCA combat, to their satisfaction, and then has to face me. All joking aside, he will learn something. We're not going to beat him up, just give him a few good fights, and teach him to keep his mouth shut.....

Saturday was the list, and then, supposedly, the royal hunt. I was asked to be the "plains ape", which is a whole lot of fun... But it didn't happen. The schedule didn't get around to it. Bummer. I was able to spend some time with some friends, and that was more than enough. Had a very pleasant evening, even though I did called out to play bouncer.... Long story, but I had to chase an "ex" away from a very intoxicated lady. We got rid of him, got her poured into a car and off site. The rest of the evening was spent hanging out with the "boys". Only had a couple of beers, and headed for bed. Stayed up long enough to ring in the new year, with the gang, but not exactly with the one I'd have rather spent it with... Oh, well.

What it all comes down to is this: It's a whole new year, with a whole world of possibilities. There is a silver lining shining thru all these clouds, and the year is looking up. Bring on the rain, I've a smile on my face.....

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season, and that the new year brings you and yours health, wealth and prosperity.